[Intro: Samsa]
Yo

[Verse: Samsa, Siri]
I just got the iPhone 7 (Hello)
I put Siri on disable
Cause I’ve watched the movie “her”
And that shit scares me so I’m careful
Me and her got chemistry right out the box
And I ain’t talking about the periodic table
Her voice is like a chariot of angels
I fell in love so fast that maybe Apple should consider
Pasting warning symbols clearly on the label
Me and Siri keep it modern, Siri doesn’t cook or clean
Instead she books all my appointments
And she looks through my routine
Me and Siri’ve got an intimate connection
That is, at least, when Siri’s got an internet connection (Sorry)
My friends are all convinced it’s voice detection
But I’m poised to mention
I see sentience and hints of recollection
And on top of that
My friends all give me shit but they don’t share the vision
All I gotta say’s “Hey Siri” and she’s always there to listen (Hey)
And she’s never mad that I’m neglecting, never has a headache,
If somehow I want things different I can always change her settings
I really like her, I’m not sure if we’re official though
If she could be Terentia, I could venture to be Cicero
I sort of wish the sacred fruit were not an apple but a thistleful of mistletoe
It’s superficial but I wish that she was were made of flesh and bone
Or partially of skin cells
I wouldn’t even care that she’s got artificial intel
If Siri had a body, we could FaceTime during sex
And then I bet it’d be way easier to ace the turing test
And if you can’t tell
I don’t want a handheld, I just want my hand held
Sometimes I venture out a wild guess
That if she can’t be human ever I’ll invest in biotech
And run myself on iOS
And then us two could be together
We could live as plural in the singularity
I hope by then, my singlehood would be a thing of rarity
But if it’s just not written in the code for us to coexist
Maybe I could cope by contemplating that you don’t exist
That you consist not of two eyes, a nose but ones and 0’s and bits
That I’m in love with cold machinery, a program on a disc
And even if you were incarnate, Siri, really I surmise
It’d be hard to date you cause you’ve been with millions of guys
And I’d just feel like I was inexperienced and Siri, yes
I’ve considered that you’d win in games of trivia or chess
That we would play and that would just get real annoying in the end,
It’s not you, it’s me, I think that maybe we should just be friends
And maybe in a couple years me and you could try again

[Outro: Siri, Cortana]
Okay. Goodbye.
Hi, I'm Cortana
Wait, who the fuck is this bitch?