I was born in a bar in '45
It's sure a wonder this boy's alive
I feel no pain but I'm getting so dry
Take me to a brewery and leave me there to die

I went to Chicago they put me in a bed
I turned bright yellow they thought that I was dead
For the next six months they said avoid temptation
I said fine I'll drink in moderation

One bottle a day - of Scotland's finest

If I learned to love and I learned to sing
I would know a little bit of everything
I put a message in a bottle I was stranded on a rock
Send another gallon 'cos I'm running out of stock

I can see you in my little bottle
You are laughing and I am too
When you're empty and I'm gone
Then they will laugh
And throw us both away