[Verse 1: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan]
I got that Joy-Con drift
What did I do to be bestowed this gift?
All my controllers are like, "Damn, I wish
That I could also function like hot shit"
None of my friends understand
They're all like, "What the fuck, man?
That shit is clearly broken, get it repaired"
But they just don't respect
A joystick quirk where it doesn't quite work
No, he's not refusing to face it
That he can't afford to replace it

[Verse 2: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan]
I got that Joy-Con drift
It doesn't care if you're going straight
My left hand isn't needed to move
So I can masturbate
The camera keeps going crazy
But that's okay
I wanted to look up at thе sky and slightly left anyway
He doesn't rеally want that
He just heard if you send them back to get fixed
You might not get them back
And he can't risk his cute little mint color Animal Crossing sticks
[Verse 3: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan]
I'm gonna get– woah, woah, wait
Hold on, hold on, woah, uh
I don't have Animal Crossing sticks
What are you talk– where'd you hear that from?
I heard it from your mother
You know she drinks, right?
Yeah, she told me when we were drunk
Hanging out together
Uh, what?
I think I'm gonna be your new dad
Trevor, what the fuck?
I invited you over to help write this rap
And this is how you tell me?
There was no good time
To tell you that I have been dating your
Mom, I'm sorry, good buddy
I thought it best that you heard it from me

[Verse 4: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan (Trevor)]
Um, what the fuck
I'm confused more than I have ever been
I kinda forgot about that whole Joy-Con drift thing
It's too much that my best friend is now my patriarch
I wish my dad never died from being ate by a whale shark
I know it's hard to take it
That your mom and I are banging twice a day
Sometimes three times a day
I hope you're not mistaking
That my attempts to bond with you
Are in a genuine fatherly way
[Breakdown: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan (Trevor)]
I can't believe this
First my Joy-Cons drift
And now my family
Yeah

I can't recalibrate my dad to be alive
I can't just remove four tri-tips to fix insides
The graphite powder in my heart is wearing down
No Hall-sensing technology will stabilize this meltdown
Listen, buddy
I know you're going through a hard time
So I got you these replacement Joy-Con sticks
I know they're not the original
But if we open up the controller
And make sure we're really respecting the craftsmanship
I'm sure these new ones, though not perfect
Will give you what you need

[Verse 5: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan (Trevor)]
Don't got that Joy-Con drift anymore
Because of my stepdad's gift, and he swore
That if these Joy-Cons drift once again
That he would fix that shit right then
You know I got you, buddy
Just like I got your mom when she said
She wants to get reamed
And when you're feeling cruddy
I'll comfort you, but not the way I comfort your mom
When she's begging for cream
[Outro: Arin Hanson & Dan Avidan]
Uh-huh, yep, thank you for that information
Awesome
What if I was your dad though?
You're n–, you're not my dad
Okay