[Verse 1: Brian Wecht]
I move diagonally across the screen
I avoid all objects which are not green
I jump on the squares to change their color
I'm rich as hell, but I live in squalor

[Chorus: Brian Wecht, Arin Hanson]
I'm Q*bert (He's Q*bert, he's Q*bert, he's Q*bert)
I'm Q*bert, motherf***
I'm Q*bert (He's Q*bert, he's Q*bert, he's Q*bert)
I'm Q*bert, you piece of sh***
(He's Q*bert, he's Q*bert, he's Q*bert)

[Verse 2: Brian Wecht]
There's a purple snake that tries to test me
I got homе last night and my wife had left me
Two bottlеs of whiskey and twelve bong rips later
I'm ready to explode like a f*** detonator

[Chorus: Brian Wecht, Arin Hanson]
(I'm, I'm telling you, I don't know what to do, he's—)
I'm Q*bert
I'm Q*bert, you f*** piece of sh***
I'm Q*bert, c***ker
(I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here)
(I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here)
(I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here)
[Verse 3: Brian Wecht]
I might be orange, but I feel scarlet with rage
I'm a wild f*** animal and I'm trapped in a cage
I can't move just left, right, up or down
You better f*** pray that I don't come to your sh*thole town
'Cause when I get drunk, I'm nearly unstoppable
I'll make you feel pain deeper than you ever thought possible
I'm fueled by self-loathing, disappointment and trauma
Break in your stepfather's house and—

[Chorus: Brian Wecht]
I'm Q*bert
I'm Q*bert, motherf***
I'm Q*bert
I'm Q*bert, motherf***
(I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here)
(I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here)

[Outro: Brian Wecht]
If we shadows have offended
Think but this, and all is mended
That you have but slumbered here
And I'm gonna f*** throat-f***k you
Fuck