[Verse 1]
Blame it all on my genes, I'm showered and clean
Going to a black tie affair
Ready to go, but you say no
"You've got way too much eyebrow hair"
You start to tweeze, you say "Hold still, please"
But it hurts when you get up in there
Yeah, I know I look like a Roman senator
But I just don't care

[Chorus]
'Cause I got hair in weird places
And I'm not very good at manscaping my nose away
I did it last May
Yeah, I'm not big on fancy razors
That are meant to cut my private places
Oh, I got hair in weird places, yee-haw!

[Verse 2]
When I was 21, I thought I was done
Growing the hair that's on me
Then I turned 40, and oh Lordy
I'm going through werewolf puberty
Now it's on my nose, and it's on my toes
It's starting to grow in my ear
And I won't show you, but honey, it's time you knew
I have a lot more on my rear
[Chorus]
'Cause I got hair in weird places
It's all up and down, and my beard face is not very sleek
Hey, what's that stuck on my cheek?
I guess I could wax, but that's kinda scary
So you're stuck with a guy that is super hairy
Oh, I got hair in weird places, brrrrrrrrr!