[Chorus]
(It wasn't me) There she is, yeah, we caught her red-handed
Sitting on the pantry floor
(It wasn't me) She had got all this extra candy
Bought it from the grocery store
How could we have known it wouldn't make it to Halloween?
And she had no intention of sharing it with me

[Verse 1]
How you gonna tell this kids to stay away from candy?
And you go and tell them that it's gonna hurt their tummy
Then you go and hide away and eat it 'cause it's yummy
There you got the Tootsie and the Smartie and the gummy
Then you start complaining that your butt is getting large
And I say "No, you are perfеct just the way you are"
But you're on a sugar ragе and tell me I'm a liar
And you go and set all of my clothing on fire

[Pre-Chorus]
(It wasn't me) There were wrappers on the counter
(It wasn't me) There were wrappers on the sofa
(It wasn't me) I even caught you on camera
(It wasn't me) It is affecting your behavior
(It wasn't me)

[Chorus]
There he is, yeah, we caught him red-handed
Sneaking out the bedroom door
We woke up, he was nearly naked
Eating on the kitchen floor
How could we have known he wouldn't climb onto the countertop?
And find Mommy's stash and then eat it like a total slob
[Verse 2]
Now it's time to dress up and go out for trick or treating
But you aren't feeling good because of all the eating
And your husband bought you an outfit that is skimpy
Because all the husbands want the costumes that are skimpy
Maybe that is something you would wear back in the day
But now you're a mother and you're in the PTA
You want something comfortable and this will do the job
A gigantic blue inflatable blob