[Verse 1]
First things first, I've been telling you all of this for years
I'm the one who has all of the germaphobic fears
Like, seriously, this is not a recent purchase
I've had this for, like, the last 15 years, so I didn't hoard it
Second things second, we should start social distancing more
Brenda, I saw you shaking hands with someone at the store
You were shaking hands with Judy, Brenda!
Stop all the touching, Brenda and Judy! I see you doing it!

[Pre-Chorus]
And you said I was annoying
Every time I was avoiding
Giving you hugs because I hate 'em
You've got opinions, I debate 'em
And I said it was evident, you are malevolent
If you're evading my personal space
And it never really bugged me
You said I'm wrong and called me ugly, 'cause

[Chorus]
Hey! Karen said you're gonna get a fever
You didn't believe her
Hey! Karen said, 'Stay home with your retriever'
You didn't believe her
Hey! You never thought that you would see the day
That you were wrong and I was right, but
Hey! Karen said you needed to be cleaner
You didn't believe her
[Verse 2]
Third things third, there are some of you watching too much news
Now you're hoarding all the toilet paper that you'll never use
Yeah, Linda, you better donate that toilet paper on Next Door!
I can see it piled up in your garage! Anyway...

[Pre-Chorus]
I was walking yesterday
I saw my neighbor sneak away
Over to a play a Bunco game
With my other neighbor named Lorraine
And all the things that the, the CDC's telling you
They are the same as what I have been yelling
You better start buying what Karen is selling
You better stop hoarding all of the Purell and you...

[Chorus]
Hey! Karen said you shouldn't high-five either
You didn't believe her
Hey! Karen said you shouldn't high-five either
Or you'll get a fever
Hey! You gotta stay at least six feet away
I'm sitting here, I'm drinking chardonnay
Hey! Karen said you're gonna get a fever
You didn't believe her