[Verse 1]
Woke up on a lazy Sunday
Ready for bacon, I was hungry
I smelled a strange odor, it made me nervous
I went downstairs, she made me breakfast
And I said

[Chorus]
My wife's on a healthy diet
Where carbs are gone and children riot
Kombucha, want to try it?
So pucker up, because she went to buy it (For 9 dollars!)

[Verse 2]
Lunchtime, she is roasting brussels
She said, "It'll make you fit and full of muscles"
I said, "Need to run some errands"
Snuck to my car and got me an Arby's beef sandwich
And I said

[Chorus]
My wife's on a healthy diet
She wants all of us to try it
But I just want to dip and fry it
I'm sorry hon, I'm gonna supersize it
[Verse 3]
Dinnertimе, we are having noodles
I took a bitе and it was zoodles
How do I ask this while being nice?
Why is this cauliflower lying about being rice?
And he said

[Chorus]
My wife's on a healthy diet
Swiss chard, I thought I'd try it
Now my butt is no longer quiet
You'd better run, or just don't sit beside me
Next week she will be a vegan
One week later, she'll go non-gluten
Next month, she will just start juicing
Or Paleo, or whatever Oprah's doing