[Verse 1]
We can't help with homework any longer
'Cause now she's older and it's getting real
When I was her age, I was playing Frogger
I've never learned co-dominant alleles
The Punnett Square for blood type makes my brain hurt
Is sucking at genetics hereditary?
And math word problems, they are making Mom go insane
If Jeff eats a third of a half of a pizza, how much would that be?

[Pre-Chorus]
And as our brains do wander, it's 9 o'clock at night
We've been at this for three hours and still can't get it right
And I'm feeling dumber than I ever thought I might

[Chorus]
'Cause we can't help with homework anymore
We've forgotten about the Napoleonic War
It's harder now that I am 44
To find the denominator
Naw, we can't help with homework anymore

[Verse 2]
And suddenly, my daughter's taking Latin
Addyday owsknay igpay atinlay
And I know it helps her SATs, but she pointed out
It's been fifteen hundred years since people ever talked that way
And now we're onto binomial nomenclature
Which is just a bougee term for fancy names
And I know that King Phillip cried "oh for goodness sakes"
But Daddy's also crying 'cause he wants to watch the game
[Pre-Chorus]
Finally we're finished, it's 10 o'clock at night
And Mom and Dad are finally alone as we turn off the light
But we can't stop thinking about how cells divide

[Chorus]
And we can't help with homework anymore
We forgot all this in 1994
We don't know the capital of Ecuador
Or what mitosis is for
No, we can't help with homework anymore

[Outro]
Yeah
And now Mommy's gonna eat the rest of Jeff's pizza
Yeah
Who else is gonna eat a third of a fourth of a sixth of a pizza, yeah?