[Intro: Colleen Ballinger, Jonathan Bennet, Stefanie Drummond, Troye Sivan, Scott Nicholson & Gabi DeMartino]
One time, on Twitter
I heard Ariana was pregnant
So I got pregnant so we could be pregnant at the same time
Turns out it was just a rumor
Ariana Grande told me my hair looks sexy pushed back
She's not wrong
Ariana broke off an engagement
So I found a guy to propose me
And I broke off an engagement
I heard she's a lesbian now
And dating some chick called Aubrey
It's fucking sick
I heard that if you record her snoring
And play it backwards
It sounds like Fantasia
Ariana says honest to God knock me out
So I decided to punch myself in thе face
It was awesome

[Verse 1: Ariana Grande]
Thought I'd еnd up with Sean
But he wasn't a match
Wrote some songs about Ricky
Now I listen and laugh
Even almost got married
And for Pete, I'm so thankful
Wish I could say, "Thank you" to Malcolm
'Cause he was an angel

[Pre-Chorus: Ariana Grande]
One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain
Now, I'm so amazing
Say I've loved and I've lost
But that's not what I see
So, look what I got
Look what you taught me
And for that, I say

[Chorus: Ariana Grande]
Thank you, next (Next)
Thank you, next (Next)
Thank you, next
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex
Thank you, next (Next)
Thank you, next (Next)
Thank you, next (Next)
I'm so fuckin'—

[Verse 2: Ariana Grande]
Spend more time with my friends
I ain't worried 'bout nothin'
Plus, I met someone else
We havin' better discussions
I know they say I move on too fast
But this one gon' last
'Cause her name is Ari
And I'm so good with that (So good with that)

[Pre-Chorus: Ariana Grande]
She taught me love (Love)
She taught me patience (Patience)
How she handles pain (Pain)
That shit's amazing (Yeah, she's amazing)
I've loved and I've lost (Yeah, yeah)
But that's not what I see (Yeah, yeah)
'Cause look what I've found (Yeah, yeah)
Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say

[Chorus: Ariana Grande]
Thank you, next (Thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Thank you)
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex
Thank you, next (Thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Said thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Next)
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex

[Post-Chorus: Ariana Grande]
Thank you, next
Thank you, next
Thank you, next
I'm so fuckin'—

[Bridge: Ariana Grande]
One day I'll walk down the aisle
Holding hands with my mama
I'll be thanking my dad
'Cause she grew from the drama
Only wanna do it once, real bad
Gon' make that shit last
God forbid something happens
Least this song is a smash (Song is a smash)

[Pre-Chorus: Ariana Grande]
I've got so much love (Love)
Got so much patience (Patience)
And I've learned from the pain (Pain)
I turned out amazing (Turned out amazing)
Say I've loved and I've lost (Yeah, yeah)
But that's not what I see (Yeah, yeah)
'Cause look what I've found (Yeah, yeah)
Ain't no need for searching
And for that, I say

[Interlude: Ariana Grande & Jennifer Coolidge]
I mean, he was really cute ya know
Really cute
And it was, it was
Really big
Well I've only gone out with one guy that
Had a big front tooth and
I liked it 'cause he never got anything stuck in the front teeth
But, have you ever gone out with someone that had no teeth at all?
No

[Pre-Chorus: Ariana Grande]
I've got so much love (Love)
Got so much patience (Patience)
Learnt from the pain (Pain)
Turned out amazing
Say I've loved and I've lost (Yeah, yeah)
But that's not what I see (Yeah, yeah)
'Cause look what I've found (Yeah, yeah)
Ain't no need for searching
And for that, I say

[Chorus: Ariana Grande]
Thank you, next (Thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Thank you, next)
Thank you, next
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex
Thank you, next (Thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Said thank you, next)
Thank you, next (Next)
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex

[Post-Chorus: Ariana Grande]
Thank you, next
Thank you, next
Thank you, next
Yeah, yee
Thank you, next
Thank you, next
Thank you, next
Yeah, yee

[Outro: Kris Jenner]
Thank you next, bitch