[Round 1: Jason Mewes]
So I'm battling my best friend, who's no longer fat
But still looks like a Keebler Elf with a chinstrap
Kevin named his daughter Harley Quinn, that's just mean
Then you make your acting movies nobody's seen
Last season's when we were supposed to battle rap
But to avoid losing to me, he had a heart attack
And he gave his first break to Ben Affleck
So if you hate the new Batman, blame Kevin for that

[Round 1: Kevin Smith]
Here's some breaking news about Jason Mewes
When Thanos snapped his finger, Jay was in the dust crew
Silent Bob's number two, of that I'm sure and
Jay's number one, but number one, like urine
You're living proof that doing drugs isn't smart
You're heroin-chic, but without the chic part
You thought you'd slay me, but I knew that you wouldn't
Come on, homie, you can't do what that heart attack couldn't

[Round 2: Jason Mewes]
Heroin was a mistake, I'll admit that's true
It's the worst thing I've shot aside from Clerks 2
One snip of your shirt could bring me to tears
You're from New Jersey, but haven't bought one in years
Yoga Hosers was a crime, for real, I'm genuine
But you made the biggest bomb Johnny Depp's been in
And Kevin had a second career with SModcast
Which makes sense, 'cause he has a face for podcasts

[Round 2: Kevin Smith]
If I drop you from my movie, oh god, that would be great
It's the second time this year I'd shed some dead weight
Mewes is in the house, so give the man a hand
Looks like Hanson kicked an old fucking brother out their band
You're from New Jersey, but your brain's so fried
I had to wear a trench coat to give you coattails to ride
I even got you this job, now we know what's what
Silent Bob just made Jay shut the fuck up

[Round 3: Jason Mewes]
It's hard to take crap from this film-school dropout
Who blames failures on studios, but that's a cop-out
And then after that you made Red State and Tusk
Which proved all your films, without me, they all sucked
All your verses suck, you got torn apart
I don't know who has worse worst rhythm, you or your heart
Snooch to the Nooch, I'm just happy you're alive
'Cause I can't imagine a world without Silent Bob by my side

[Round 3: Kevin Smith]
I've kept you off the streets since 1993
Fuck going to rehab, you should have just paid me
I'm not dissin' your looks, 'cause there's way too much ammo
You're like Orlando Bloom if he was homeless in Orlando
If we compared talent and success at life
It would be like Clerks, man, it's all black and white
The king of the geeks just made you look like a joke, man
Your ears are burned off, 'cause Silent Bob spoke, bitch