[Verse 1]
I trip over my shoelace, this happens all the time
Fall into my face, and then come the tears
Then I remember that we're all gonna die

[Pre-Chorus]
This is my song I wrote from the heart
Existential crisis, sounds pretty smart
I'd tell my dad, but boy does he love church (Hosanna)

[Chorus]
So I masturbate and I watch ESPN
And I open up another bag of Chex Mix
I masturbate and I watch ESPN
And I open up another bag of Chex Mix

[Verse 2]
I'm driving home from work and I'm parking my car
I go up to the door and I think super hard
Now I'm a genius but I want to cry
What is this life? Aah!

[Pre-Chorus]
This is my song I wrote from the heart
Existential crisis sounds pretty smart
I'd tell my dad but boy does he love church (Hosanna)
[Chorus]
So I masturbate and I watch ESPN
And I open up another bag of Chex Mix
I masturbate and I watch ESPN
And I open up another bag of Chex Mix
So I masturbate and I watch ESPN
And I open up another bag of Chex Mix
I masturbate and I watch ESPN
And I open up another bag of Chex Mix