[Verse 1]
I hate to sound rude, I hate to be negative
This ain't the kind of song I like to write
But at this point it's getting repetitive
The little things you do that just ain't so bright
Like you think everything I do's because of astrology
I could brush my teeth, you'd be like "You're such an Aries"
You got that pretty face and that beautiful body
But ain't no way in hell we ever gettin' married

[Chorus]
'Cause, girl, you're like ranch dressing
I just want you on the side
Your body is fantastic
But I can't say the same for your mind, no
Girl, you cool enough
But this will never be no real, real love
I want your thick and creamy body
On a platter at the party
Just to nibble on, just like ranch dressing

[Verse 2]
You told me what your name on Twitter was so I followed you
Yesterday you tweeted "lol"
What the fuck is so funny and who are you talking to?
You don't know how to use the internet very well
[Chorus]
Girl, you're like ranch dressing
I just want you on the side
Your body is fantastic
But I can't say the same for your mind, no
Girl, you cool enough
But this will never be no real, real love
I want your thick and creamy body
On a platter at the party
Just to nibble on, just like ranch dressing

[Verse 3]
I took you on a nice date 'cause it was Valentine's
To Beverly Hills at a really boujee spot
The waiter did that thing where he has you test out the wine
You slammed it and said "What other free samples y'all got?"
Later on that night, things got hot and heavy
I said "Hey girl, are you on the pill?"
The bitch thought I was talking about MDMA
She said, "I ain't take none, but if you got some I will"

[Chorus]
Girl, you're like ranch dressing
You're not often served at nice restaurants
Your body is fantastic
But you talk like that South Carolina Miss America contestant
Girl, you cool enough
But this will never be no real, real love
'Cause you only good for dippin'
You in the valley and hidden
Though I really like your texture
You always a little bit extra
I only wanna eat ya
When I'm drunk ordering pizza after last call
Just like ranch dressing