Saturday Night Live
Corporate Nightmare Song
(Spoken Intro)
[TED]
Hey, Dylan, take the lip ring out. It's against company policy

[NATE]
This one's goin' out to all the corporate drones out there!

[TINA]
Workin' for the man, makin' other people rich

[CASPER]
Slave to the almighty dollar

[DYLAN]
You know who you are. Listen up!

(Hook)
Mom and Dad said, "Go get a job!"

[TINA]
Go work real hard, go punch a clock

[NATE]
Climb the corporate ladder straight to the top

[CASPER]
Pay your dues; someday, you'll be the boss
[DYLAN]
But white-collar life don't work, you see

[TINA]
'Cause I ain't no corporate worker bee

[NATE]
Everybody in the house who feel like me

[DYLAN, TINA, NATE, AND CASPER]
Get up on your feet and scream

(Song)
Take this job and shove it up your—
I will never be
Part of this machine
Corporate society
You can't hold me back
With a paycheck
This job can kiss my a--

(Spoken)
[TED]
Hey, Tina, great work on that compete analysis

[TINA]
Oh, thank you
[TED]
You should think about the management training program. We could use someone like you on the 12th floor

[TINA]
Wow. I, I will. Thank you, sir

[TED]
(Great work)
(Training program)

(Hook)
[DYLAN]
Boss man sit around on his ass all day

[TINA]
Doin' real good work for the compan-aay

[NATE]
He don't know what's up

[TINA]
But he actually does, though
So let's not be unfair to Ted, yo

[DYLAN]
But the hours
[TINA]
Are good

[NATE]
And the pay

[TINA]
Is generous

[CASPER]
Corporate culture is straight-up venomous

[TINA]
But our benefits

(Spoken)
Oh, sorry, one second. I just gotta make sure I RSVP for this meeting. Yep, I knew it. And—sweet. Thanks, guys

(Hook)
[NATE]
'Cause the people at this place

[TINA]
Are my best friends

[DYLAN, NATE, AND CASPER]
And when it comes to the boss

[TINA]
He's my best friend

(Song)
[DYLAN, NATE, AND CASPER]
Take this job and shove it up your—

(Spoken)
[TED]
Tina, Nate, Casper? You got a sec?

[CASPER]
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah

[NATE]
Sure thing, Ted

(Song)
[DYLAN]
I will never go
Down the corporate road
Capitalistic nightmare
Blah blah blah blah blah
Something blah blah blah

(Spoken)
The hell is that all about?

[CASPER]
So…?

[TINA]
Ted asked us if we would pitch on the digital campaign

[NATE]
Yeah, it's pretty cool, actually

[CASPER]
Yeah, it's really nice that Ted is looking at ideas internally

(Hook)
[DYLAN]
You corporate drones in your suits and ties
The boss says "Jump"; you say, "How high?"

(Spoken)
[TINA]
Ted wants you to work on it, too

(Hook)
[DYLAN]
Let's dive right in, put our heads together

[NATE]
Blue sky the whole thing, make the good ideas better

[TINA]
Let's order food

[CASPER]
Stay here all night

[NATE]
If we're pitching to Ted

[TINA AND DYLAN]
It's gotta be tight

[DYLAN]
We do this right, who knows where we could go?

[TINA]
Dana is retiring

[DYLAN, NATE, AND CASPER]
She'll need to be replaced, yo

[NATE]
One of us could get her job, management position

[CASPER]
Down the road, we could be runnin' this division

[DYLAN]
First we crush this presentation

[NATE]
No chokin'

[TINA]
Got our foot in the door

[DYLAN, TINA, NATE, AND CASPER]
Now let's kick it open

(Spoken Outro)
[TINA]
Work hard, good things'll come

[NATE]
That's just how it is, people!

[TED]
Dylan, lip ring

[DYLAN]
Ah, sorry, Mr. Abbott

[TED]
Call me Ted