[GIRL]
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Oh, what a laugh that would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night

Turns out Dad did see Mom kiss Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe that night
I thought that he'd be mad
Or at least be kinda sad
But he just sat there watching them and only said

[DAD]
Not bad!

[GIRL]
By now, I could tell that Santa Claus
Regretted getting himself mixed up in this
He said he should probably roll
But Mommy said

[MOM]
No way, assh---!
[GIRL]
He hadn't done half the stuff that was in the posting on Craigslist
But Santa said they'd better pay in full
Or he'd tell their friends what they did behind closed doors
I couldn't believe my eyes
When Mom and Dad just killed some guy
Then I realized the chokehold was just part of the script

And then Santa stood up and thanked them both
And asked them if they both were satisfied
Mom and Dad said they had a blast
And they paid him a thousand cash
And walked him to his Nissan Altima parked right outside

That night, I laid in bed thinkin' about
How much I really don't know Mom and Dad
But the weirdest thing, I think
Isn't my parents' kink
It's that I sat watching them as long as I had

Oh well, I guess we all each have our thing
Mine seems to be watching people's private lives
And at least now that I know
I could keep it under control
When I saw Mom kiss Santa Claus last night