Mother's Day's this Sunday
Father's Day's in June (facts)
It's been a hard-ass time for families
Feel like animals in the zoo (trapped)
Parents need some help these days
Kids could use some too (help)
So given the special circumstance
We're gonna introduce a special rule

Let kids drink
Just like Mom and Dad
If they got a little buzz on, would it really be that bad?
Let kids drink (tiny drinks)
Just a couple sips (full drinks)
They'll be happier and funnier and they'll fall asleep by 6

They used to give kids whiskey
To help them fall asleep (that's history)
So a teeny-tiny Whiteclaw
Is just a babysitter on the cheap (economics)
They let kids in France drink wine
A bottle or two a day (hmmm)
We asked child services
And they said it was okay

Let kids drink
It's not like they can drive
Except that one kid on the news
Who drove when he was five
Just one drink (one drink)
Two if they've been good (oh, uh-huh)
Babies look drunk anyway
They burp and puke just like I would
Kids are quite resilient
And they always bounce right back (bouncy castle)
And it's not like they'll get blackout
Drinking half of our six-pack (wait what?)
They've watched us drink a hundred drinks
And smoke a little weed (Daddy's medicine)
So turn that Shirley Temple
Into an Ina Garten martini

Let us drink
It's really only fair
Like our parents always say
It's 5 o'-clock somewhere

Give kids drinks
Disney says it's fine
(wait, what is this?)
And now here's a bedtime story
It's vodka soda lime

Let me drink
I hate that I have to ask
(You can have milk)
All I want is a drink and a shot and a little pills and crack
Let dogs drink
They're smarter nicer kids
Once a day let's fill their bowl with a cold refreshing spritz
Let guys drink
Guys can drink alone
We can drink alone inside the shed
And say we're on the phone
(Beck, are you okay?)
(Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just- I'm on the phone!)
(Someone get that guy a drink)
(Totally, he gets it)

Let kids drink (let kids drink)
Children are the future and right now the future stinks
Let kids drink (give them booze)
And behalf of all us parents, I say kids, cheers to you