[Skit: Jay Pharoah & Pete Davidson]
Hey, yo. What up, man? How was the concert?
It sucked. Me and my buddies got busted for drinking in the parking lot. Santa's not bringing me anything this year
Aw, don’t worry about it, man. You'll always get a visit from Sump'n Claus
Who’s that?

[Intro: Kenan Thompson]
Yeah
Everybody's gettin' sump'n
Everybody gettin' sump'n

[Chorus: Cecily Strong & Sasheer Zamata]
Everybody's been naughty
Everybody's got flaws
If you’ve been crossed off Santa’s list
Here comes Sump'n Claus

[Verse 1: Kenan Thompson]
Twas a girl named Sheila
Had a man with a van
They were supposed to go to dinner
But he had other plans
He said she was domineering
Tried to take her diamond earring
Said that she was profiteering
Soon he would be disappearing
She got mad, was on fire
Took a knife, slashed his tires
Pulled a full-on Richard Pryor
Santa said, "You’re no longer a qualifier"
But you know what I say
Everybody's gettin' sump'n
[Interlude: Kenan Thompson]
Everybody gettin’ sump'n
We ain't talkin' 'bout no small toys
I give cash
White envelopes filled with twenties, sometimes fifties
Cash! And where I'm gettin' this cash?
Hey man, we don't need to talk about that

[Chorus: Cecily Strong & Sasheer Zamata]
Everybody's been naughty
Everybody's got flaws
If you've been crossed off Santa's list
Here comes Sump'n Claus

[Verse 2: Kenan Thompson]
This the story 'bout Marcus
Hates working for the man
Works super long hours
Does everything he can
One day he had all he could handle
Threw a fit and caused a scandal
Broke his computer into shambles
The mess he made was quite substantial
Got fired, got arrested
Got thrown out from being protested
Santa said, "Man, you've been rejected"
But you know what I say
Everybody's gettin' sump'n
[Interlude: Kenan Thompson]
Everybody gettin' sump'n
Oh, you're sweatin' Santa being mad at you?
What, you thought y'all was friends?
He sees you when you're sleepin'
That's weird
I'ma tell you a little secret, man
He hit somebody with that sleigh
Don't like him talk about it

[Chorus: Cecily Strong & Sasheer Zamata]
Everybody's been naughty
Everybody's got flaws
If you've been crossed off Santa's list
Here comes Sump'n Claus

[Verse 3: Kenan Thompson (Cecily Strong & Sasheer Zamata backing vocals)]
Let me tell you my story
Was a long time ago
I used to work for Santa
Up at the North Pole (Yeah)
One day I was workin' at my station
Mrs. Claus started a conversation
Both of us felt a sweet sensation
So we agreed on recreation
Brought me inside, made some cocoa
She served me pumpkin risotto
Santa walked in and said, "That's a no-no"
But you know what I say
Everybody's gettin' sump'n
Everybody gettin' sump'n
[Chorus: Cecily Strong & Sasheer Zamata]
Everybody's been naughty
Everybody's got flaws
If you've been crossed off Santa's list
Here comes Sump'n Claus

[Outro: Kenan Thompson & Sasheer Zamata, Cecily Strong]
Man, I'm talkin' 'bout everybody
Justin Bieber's gettin' sump'n
Paula Deen's gettin' sump'n
Donald Sterling's gettin' sump'n
Suge Knight's gettin' sump'n
Kevin Bacon is gettin' sump'n
What's wrong with Kevin Bacon?
Oh, nothin', he's just my homie
Get sump'n, get sump'n
Get sump'n, get sump'n
Get sump'n (Woo, woo, woo, woo)
Go 'head, be naughty
I gotchu