[Intro: Kenan Thompson, Will Forte, Chris Parnell]
"You guys ever heard that song by C+C Music Factory "Everybody Dance Now"?"
"Yeah, it's pretty good. You ever heard that Right Said Fred song "I'm Too Sexy"?"
"Oh yeah, yeah, that's pretty good too."
"Sure, fellas, but have you heard the new song by Ariel and Efrim?"
"No."
"Who are they?"
"Check this out."

[Verse 1: Efrim]
Morning in the kitchen
You're frying an egg
I'm squeezing some oranges
The room is getting hot
Over at the counter
I shake the salt
You take out a knife
Please, don't cut my tеsticles

[Chorus: Efrim]
Please, don't cut my tеsticles
Please, don't cut my testicles
Don't cut my testicles
It's a nice day, relax

[Post-Chorus: Efrim]
(Oh Efrim, you're sexy)
Right back at you, baby
(Oh Efrim, you're handsome)
I'm serious about my testicles
[Verse 2: Ariel]
At the post office
Standing in line
You wrap my package
I lick the stamp
Put it in the slot
Then close the door
But please, don't slam it
On my testicles

[Chorus: Ariel]
Don't slam my testicles
Please don't slam my testicles
Don't slam my testicles
It's a free country have fun

[Post-Chorus: Ariel, Efrim]
(Oh, Ariel, you worry)
I do, I worry often
(Oh Efrim, come with me)
Did I mention I was gay?

[Chorus: Ariel & Efrim, Efrim]
Don't burn off our testicles
Don't burn off our testicles
Please, don't burn my testicles
So sorry, I love you
[Outro: Kenan Thompson, Will Forte, Chris Parnell]
"Wow, I did not like that."
"Yeah, me neither."
"Yeah, apparently in their younger days those guys had some pretty severe accidents involving their testicles. Well, I'm gonna go and hit the skins with a tender rhoney. Audi 5000."