[Intro Skit: Andrew Dismukes & Punkie Johnson]
"So like what is Pete even gonna do?"
"I have no idea, he only has like one character"
"Yeah, why is he hosting again? He just left, and it's not like his show was a hit"
"I know right, like how you get Joe Pesci and Edie Falco, and no viewers?"

[Verse 1: Pete Davidson]
No one cares about the work I do
I made a show with Joe Pesci, too
And no one streamed it but my mom
When I'm high, I do things like call up Colin Jost
And say, "Homie, we should buy a boat"
They tell me I have "butthole eyes"
Yet I never sleep alone at night

[Chorus: Pete Davidson]
'Cause I'm just Pete
Anyone else, I'd be a three
But I guess I'm hot for dudes in comedy
'Cause it's an ugly industry
I'm just Pete
Looking like a meth head on the street
People online still call me "Skete"
Because of a guy whose name I can't say legally

[Interlude: Pete Davidson & Black Pete]
Petes, assemble
Black Pete. It's just black Pete, then? All right
[Verse 2: First Update Pete, Met Gala Pete & Pete Davidson]
I'm 6'4" and 100 pounds but I got power
Do you think it's hot that I rip cigs when I'm in the shower
And out of the blue, like three times a year, when you least expect it
I go to rehab

[Bridge: Pete Davidson]
Can you feel that energy? (Energy, energy, energy, energy)
That famous BD energy? (Energy, energy, energy, energy)
Can you feel that energy? (Energy, energy, energy, energy)
That Pete, bipolar energy? (Energy, energy, energy, energy)

[Chorus: Pete Davidson]
I'm just Pete
My dating life is not discrete
I generate tons of publicity
For everything except my comedy
I'm just Pete and I like jugs
I'm mentally ill and I'm on drugs
But, hey, I'm still in Super Bowl commercials
My name's Pete (And so is mine)
I deleted all my accounts online
'Cause the doctor said the internet wasn't good for me
Baby, I'm Pete

[Outro: Pete Davidson, Barbie]
"Are you ready, Pete?"
"Sure am, Barbie. Aw, not again"