[Verse 1]
I saw it advertised one day
Bear Mountain Picnic was comin' my way
"Come along 'n' take a trip
We'll bring you up there on a ship
Bring the wife and kids
Bring the whole family."
Yippee

[Verse 2]
Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket
To this Bear Mountain Picnic
But little did I realize
I was in for a picnic surprise
Had nothin' to do with mountains
I didn't even come close to a bear

[Verse 3]
Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier
Six thousand people there
Everybody had a ticket for the trip
"Oh well." I said, "it's a pretty big ship
Besides, anyway, the more the merrier."

[Verse 4]
Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think
That big old boat started t' sink
More people kept a-pilin' on
That old ship was a-slowly goin' down
Maybe we just better call off the picnic
[Spoken Interlude]
No, the word there is, uh, instead of maybe better call off the picnic, it's
Funny way t' start a picnic

[Verse 5]
Well, I soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife
So many people there I never saw in m' life
That old ship sinkin' down in the water
Six thousand people tryin' t' kill each other
Dogs a-barkin', cats a-meowin'
Women a-screamin', fists a-flyin', babies cryin'
Cops a-comin', me a-runnin'
Maybe we just better call off the picnic

[Verse 6]
I got shoved down 'n' pushed around
All I could hear there was a screamin' sound
Don't remember one thing more
Just remember walkin' up on a little shore
Head busted, stomach cracked
Feet splintered, I was bald, naked...
Quite lucky to be alive though

[Verse 7]
Feelin' like I climbed outta m' casket
I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket
Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home
Wishin' I'd never got up that morn
[Verse 8]
Now, I don't care just what you do
If you wanta have a picnic, that's up t' you
But don't tell me about it, I don't wanta hear it
'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit
Stay in m' kitchen, have m' own picnic's there...
In the bedroom, In the bathroom

[Verse 9]
Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do f'r money
There's a bran' new gimmick every day
Just t' take somebody's money away
I think we oughta take some o' these people
And put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to Bear Mountain
For a picnic