I was riding on the mayflower when I thought I spied some land
I yelled down to captain arab, I'll have ya understand
Who came running to the deck and said boys forget the whale
We're goin' over yonder. cut the engines. change the sails
Haul on that bowline we sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do when they're far away at sea

I think I'll call it america. I said as we hit land
I took a deep breath. I fell down, I could not stand
Captain arab he starting writing out some deeds
He said let's build us a fort and start buying the place with beads
Just then a cop come down the street crazy as a loon
They throws us all in jail for carryin' harpoons

Aw, me, I busted out don't even ask me how
I went lookin' for some help, I walked past a guernsey cow
Who directed me down to the bowery slums
Where people carried signs around sayin' ban the bums
I jumped right in line, sayin' I hope that I'm not late
When I realized I hadn't eaten for five days straight

I went into a restaurant lookin' for the cook
I told him I was the editor of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome and he wore a powder blue cape
I ordered up some suzette, I said could you please make that crepe
Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boiling fat
Food was flyin' everywhere I left without my hat
I didn't mean to be nosy but I went into a bank
To get some bail for arab the boys and all the boys back in the tank
They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants
They threw me in the alley, when up comes this girl from France
Who invited me to her house. I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out an' robbed my boots an' was I on the street again

Then I rapped upon a house with a U.S. flag upon display
I said could you help me out, I got some friends down the way
The man said get out of here I'll tear you limb from limb
I said you know, they refused Jesus, too. he said you're not him
Get out of here before I break your bones. I ain't your pop
I decided to have him arrested and I went looking for a cop

Well, I ran right outside and hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door, this English man said fab
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand and a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building advertising brotherhood
I ran right through the front door like a hobo sailor does
But it was just a funeral parlor and the man asked me who I was
I repeated that my friends were all in jail with a sigh
He gave me his card and said call me if they die
I shook his hand and said goodbye and ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road and knocked me off my feet
A pay phone was ringing and it just about blew my mind
When I picked it up an' said hello a foot came through the line
By this time I was fed up at trying to make a stab
At bringing back any help for my friends and Captain Arab
I decided to flip a coin like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go back to ship or back to jail
So I hocked my sailor's suit and I got a coin to flip
It came up tails, it rhymed with sails, so I made it back to the ship

Well I got back and took the parking ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds when this Coast Guard boat went past
They asked me my name and I said Captain Kidd
They believed me but they wanted to know what exactly that I did
I said for the pope of eyruke I was employed
They let me go right away; they were very paranoid

Well the last I heard of Arab he was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy sheriff of the jail
But the funniest thing was when was leavin' the bay
I saw three ships sailing and they were all coming my way
I asked the captain what his name was an' how come he didn't drive a truck
He said his name was Columbus, and I just said good luck