[Verse 1]
Well, I wake up in the morning, there's frogs inside my socks
Your mama, she's hidin' inside the icebox
Your daddy walks in wearin' a Napoleon Bonaparte mask
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, do you have to ask?

[Verse 2]
Well, I go to pet your monkey, I get a face full of claws
I ask who's in the fireplace and you tell me Santa Claus
The milkman comes in, he's wearing a derby hat
And you ask why I don't live here
Honey, how come you have to ask me that?

[Verse 3]
Well, I asked for somethin' to eat, I'm hungry as a hog
So I get brown rice, seaweed and a dirty hot dog
I've got a hole where my stomach disappeared
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, I gotta' think you're really weird

[Verse 4]
Your grandpa's cane, it turns into a sword
Your grandma prays to pictures that are pasted on a board
Everything inside my pockets your uncle steals
And you ask why I don't live here
Honey, I can't believe that you're for real
[Verse 5]
There's fistfights in the kitchen, they're enough to make me cry
Little mailman comes in, even he's got to take a side
Even the butler, he's got something to prove
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, how come you don't move?