[Verse 1: Dan Bull]
Ok, look, I'm well aware, that this is probably going to sound insane (whip-woo)
But I honestly just fell out the back of a plane
Landed in a random bit of abandoned real estate
Then ran straight into the nearest place and here I stayed in the can
The place is a mess, but it's better than the outside (true)
And so I'm making a nest to settle down, hide
No doubt I'll cause an outcry, called a coward, but it's not that, it's just everyone else is overpowered (wa)
Would I like a vast exciting island to explore?
Err, thanks, but, no thanks
I'd rather hide behind this door not coming out (yeah)
Somebody's got to sort the plumbing out, blomming hell
You want to run around? Go bother someone else
Of all the places y'all could urinate, you're all up in my face
This ain't the place to fornicate in or negate the call of the nature
Sorry mate, we're all devoid of toilet paper, call in later
This cubicle's engaged, go locate a stall that's vacant (ha)
I've got important business, that's taking concentration
Waiting for the game to finish and faking constipation (uh)

[Chorus: Bonecage]
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (uh)
Somebody was cleaning their gun
While they were taking a shit
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom
I'm going to number one
With the gun I found in the bathroom
[Verse 2: Dan Bull]
Oi Dan, what's the hold up?
Shh, nothing, I'm holed up and ready to unload on any soldier that rolls up (wa)
I'll leave your skull bust open like a walnut (wah)
With a hole in the middle like a bone donut
That was a trigger warning, so don't say I never told you
That you won't see me on the leaderboards, if you scroll up (pff)
I need to pass the time, I'm really bored
Oh look! Found some make up in the cabinet
And now I'm dolled up, dragged up
Sat on the bog and draggin on a roll up
This lavatory seat's freezing, I've got a cold butt (wo)
Now, you may say the way I play is soulless
I say it's realistic using the head of my shoulders
Because while everybody else is chasing after gold dust
I'm laying back and selling shovels in the gold rush
I'm in a toilet stall with a bullet hole in the wall
But if you go for glory, then I'll go for your balls

[Chorus: Bonecage]
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody was cleaning their gun
While they were taking a shit (uh)
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom
I'm going to number one
With the gun I found in the bathroom
[Verse 3: Dan Bull]
Gnarly, how can you aim a shot at somebody you can't see?
No one saw me standing there, not even Paul McCartney (bruv)
You want me? Fucking well, come and find me
I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sarnies (jeez)
Now I'm not weapons trained and I don't know karate
But I'll fight you and your family and your army
If you think I'm coming out this bathroom - hardly
I'll be the last one in the chocolate factory like Charlie
Aw, you're not invited, it's a one man party
Not sharing my shelter for shit, I'm not Bob Marley
Not going to get up, stand up
There's too much burning and looting and having the gun jamming's
A concern, when you're shooting
Try my pioneering new type of conflict resolution
Hiding where guys are normally performing their ablutions
Just remember, when you're done to flush the latrine
This is the secret to the way I keep so fresh and so clean
If you're haveng PUBG problems, I feel bad for you, son
I beat ninety nine opponents and I haven't shot one

[Chorus: Bonecage]
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (woo)
Somebody was cleaning their gun
While they were taking a shit (hah)
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (me?)
I'm going to number one
With the gun I found in the bathroom