[Verse 1]
I was born into a cruel and unforgiving, nasty world
That didn't want me
They rejected, disrespected, scorned and shunned me
Cold and hungry
All I wanted was some company, to be comfy
But, to put it bluntly
They were being a bunch of considerably rude neighbours
So I gave up
Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave, look
The doorway yawned awake slowly
I wasn't brave normally, but a strange force was calling me
And so with a flaming torch in hand, I made my way forward
Though those serrated corners on the boulders made it awkward
I gazеd on in awe, following a short reconnaissance
I saw what lay bеfore me
It was called the Orb of Dominance
It held sway over my thoughts
I gained confidence
'Til at once, the commoners no longer had my tolerance

[Chorus]
I am a small Illager, the littlest around
But, now, I've got a small feeling
I'm going to be well-endowed
I am a small Illager
My will, it stands proud
Growing 'til I fit the throne
So hand me the crown
[Verse 2]
Now, bow down
Show me the top of your head
Hey, I said bow down!
Else, I'll be dropping you dead
I am the Arch-Illager and I will pillage your village
Until you give in
So run, you can't win
If you stand in my path
You'll get trampled like grass
I see you haven't any heating
I can provide that
No need to thank me
Here's a torch, completely free of charge
I'll leave your family tree scorched
Slashed with lethal steel shards
Oh, I see you're planning a resistance?
If you're going to lead the charge
Be advised, objects in your rear view appear large
Your mistake was thinking this a safe space for your opinions
'Til my minions chased you straight away from my dominion
So make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom
I'm your new government, coming for more than just your income
You can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers
It's never going to bother me, my friend
So don't pretend it does
[Chorus]
I'm the Arch-Illager
Now come on down
Down into my dungeon
Have a look around
I am the Arch-Illager, living in a cave
And having a party, while keeping villagers enslaved

[Verse 3]
Now come on down, down, come on, quicker!
Chop, chop, come on down, down some hard liquor
I am the Arch-Illager, handle my business
Now everybody give a big hand to our visitors
Look at you and your gang
You couldn't be more villainous
Forcing my hand
You're going to be all prisoners
No forgiveness, I'm sending in my skeletons in regiments
Defending us against your weapons with a vengeance
Repelling your torches, enemy forces, making me nauseous
Better be cautious or you'll be left on the edge of a tall cliff
Awkward!
Better restore quick, then come down into the dungeon
Where the smell is rather pungent
Can't tell if it's your bunions or you've been cutting some onions
[Chorus]
I'm the Arch-Illager
Thank you for coming down
Now make yourself comfortable, have a look around
I am the Arch-Illager
Catching you unaware
If you come in unprepared
Here's someone you haven't met

[Verse 4]
So glad you came down
Down, summoned to my lair
There now, what's the matter, chuck?
You look a little scared
I am the Arch-Illager and I warned you
That if you didn't give up
Then I'd have to confiscate your head

[Outro]
I'm not to be messed with, me
I may be small
But I'm kind of a big deal
So my suggestion, should you wish to heed it
And I strongly advise that you do
Is to bugger off