[Intro: Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Sleeping deep beneath the sleepers of the isle
There's a demon creature dreaming, heathen and reviled
Sees no rhyme or reason but for feasting when he's riled
Better let him be, lest you are sure to see the smile
Of sixteen tons of scurryin' death
Smolderin' souls through funnel of red
With a pick-like grin on the front of his head
Sat atop a most illogical number of legs (Hahahaha)

[Verse 1: Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Tickets, please! Let me tell you the tale
Of a wicked beast that'll follow your trail
Through the valleys and vales, on your tail day and night
There'll be chaos on the rails when the railway strikes
Stop, take stock, try to gauge the situation
'Fraid your train has been derailed, there's no use waiting in the station (Hmm)
Every engine's been dismantled, there's no other service coming
Charles is leadin' by example, he's the only train that's running
All in all, we're in a doozy of a mess
So, all aboard the WTF express
Should you want to stay safe, then I wouldn't play games
Or you'll learn another way of saying, “Run away! Train!”

[Chorus: Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Every life has a light in the tunnel ahead
But you might just find that behind it instead
Of a heaven is an engine and the devil inbred
And we're next on the menu if we've left him unfed
Charlie
Your timetable says it's almost time for tea
Charlie
And we've laid on quite a spread, as you can see
There's a choo-choo train coming after you
Food chain's gone a bit askew
Won't catch that train
If it's gonna catch you
[Verse 2: The Stupendium, Dan Bull, Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
For certain worse than what they say to mind the gap for
The train's not just canceled, it's damn well deplatformed
Since it scampered off the tracks to find a snack from off your back lawn
Couple jackdaws and your cat and then your dad from off the back porch
He's hungry and he's hunting down the islanders
With a side of any siding-hiding bystanders
Quite queer what his dietary requirements are
But it's pretty clear regardless he's a dining car
Coke? Coal? Petroleum? Alone they'll never do
No, this engine sends the scent of rendered flesh out from the flue
On this service we'll be serving something rather more unnerving
Chugga-chugging on blood as he chew-chews you
It's all true, choo-choos consume fuel too
Humans are a whole new consumable and whole food
Gluten free range and more renewable than coal too
So, who to choose to chew to this tune? Ooh, you'll do

[Chorus: Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Every life has a light in the tunnel ahead
But you might just find that behind it instead
Of a heaven is an engine and the devil inbred
And we're next on the menu if we've left him unfed
Charlie (Ah)
Your timetable says it's almost time for tea
Charlie
And we've laid on quite a spread, as you can see
Charlie
If we sate your lust for flesh on which to feed
Charlie
Will you promise to eat them instead of me?
There's a choo-choo train coming after you
Food chain's gone a bit askew
Won't catch that train
If it's gonna catch you
[Interlude: Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Engine, engine number nine
On the Aranearum mining line
If your train comes off the track
Better run, better run, or you won't come back

[Verse 3: Dan Bull, The Stupendium, Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Hey, guess who! This is déjà vu
Like HS2, you'll be railed right through
Penetrated in the vein of a mainline route
When we come, well, then, we're gonna run a train on you
You might say we've got a loco motive
To provide the train with a load of groceries
Locally sourced from the local folk, dear
Granny's s'posed to host, although she's toast when the smoke clears
The el choo-choopacabara, the beast come to dine
And it's far worse than leaves that he leaves on the line
You'll see when he feasts in the deep of the night
By the pieces of people-y debris left behind
Riding off-peak? Don't be ridiculous
The worth of your season ticket is
Quickly diminishing with every pillock
We're feeding into his gleaming scissorous teeth
But if we seem insidious
We're just uneasy villagers
Seeking to keep the most hideous beast
We unleashed from committing the deed of killing us
If killing a priest, a vicar, a grocer or postman or three is villainous?
Well, what's it to me? You probably see the feast is imminent
Keep on screaming, pump the bellows, he'll be drawn to your duress
Charlie loves a little murder on the goriest express
You can ruminate on whether there's a certain train near
Or pray that it's a rumour made to circulate fear
But in case you didn't hear then I better make clear:
This train terminates here
[Chorus: Dan Bull & The Stupendium]
Every life has a light in the tunnel ahead
But you might just find that behind it instead
Of a heaven is an engine and the devil inbred
And we're next on the menu if we've left him unfed
Charlie
Your timetable says it's almost time for tea
Charlie
And we've laid on quite a spread, as you can see
Charlie
If we sate your lust for flesh on which to feed
Charlie
Will you promise to eat them instead of me?
There's a choo-choo train coming after you
Food chain's gone a bit askew
Won't catch that train
If it's gonna catch you