[Verse 1]
Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a crush on the guy at the liquor store
'Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood, for shame
She says "None for you dear prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming"

[Chorus]
I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting on the next best thing
Next best thing, yeah

[Verse 2]
Snow White is doing dishes again
'Cause what else could you do with seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and she calls up a friend
Says, "Would you meet me at midnight?"
Oh, the tall blonde lets out a cry of despair
Says, "Would cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows"

[Chorus]
I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting on the next best thing
Next best thing, yeah
[Bridge]
Once upon a time in a far-away kingdom
Man made up a story, said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls 'round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

[Chorus]
I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting

[Outro]
Spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience
And a dumb appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
'Cause I don't want the next best thing
No, no, I don't want the next best thing