[Verse 1]
We were driving to Birmingham, Alabama and my buddy Keith was driving the truck
And this lady about ran us off the road in a Cadillac
She just kind of smiled when she went by, and he has road rage and he said, "Look at that Big, Fat Bitch"
So I grabbed my little travel guitar out of the back and went

Big fat bitch
She's a big old, big old, fat bitch
She goes to Ryan's and they say, Shit
This one's going to cost us
She's a big old bitch
She's a big old bitch

[Verse 2]
She sweats grits
You can hide a pound of dope
Under one of her tits
Big fat bitch

She's a big old bitch

[Verse 3]
Who stole Christmas
The Grinch
Who stole the Twinkies
Big fat bitch
She's a big old bitch

[Verse 4]
Yeah, she had this Cajun friend
Who had a pet alligator
She ate that some bitch
Like it was a green Now & Later
Or a fried green da-mator
You'd have to have a turbo-foaming car wash brush
To masturbate her

She's a big old bitch
She's a big old bitch

[Verse 5]
When she was eight years old she had a Pogo stick that would say, "Hey Wanda"
And they'd go "song-tong-thong-song-tong-thong"
And now her Pogo stick says, "Holy fucking shit"
And they go "Bount, bount"

She's a big old bitch
She's a big olllllllld bitch

[Verse 6]
Yeah she gargles and drools and spits
And she makes all kinds of noise
She chases the ice cream man down Cunningham
In her corduroys
She goes (strumming of strings)
She's a big old bitch
She's a big ollllllld big fat bitch