[Verse 1]
I went up for my interview on the fourth day of July
Personnel man he questioned me until I nearly cried
Made me fill in forms until I shook with fear
About the colour of my toilet roll and if my cousin's queer

[Chorus]
Here's your gold watch and the shackles for your chain
And your piece of paper to say you left here sane
And if you've a son who wants a good career
Just get him to sign on the dotted line and work for fifty years

[Verse 2]
He asked me how many jobs I'd had before
He nearly had a heart attack when I answered four
For jobs of twenty years or more, this can never be
We only take on men who work on until they die

[Chorus]
Here's your gold watch and the shackles for your chain
And your piece of paper to say you left here sane
And if you've a son who wants a good career
Just get him to sign on the dotted line and work for fifty years

[Verse 3]
He took me outside to where the gravestones stand in line
This is where we bury them in quickstone and in lime
And if you come to work for us, this you must agree
That if you're going to die, please do it during tea break
[Chorus]
Here's your gold watch and the shackles for your chain
And your piece of paper to say you left here sane
And if you've a son who wants a good career
Just get him to sign on the dotted line and work for fifty years

[Verse 4]
This story that you've heard, you may think rather queer
But it is the truth you'll be surprised to hear
I did not want no job up on the board
I just wanted to take a broom and sweep the bloody floor

[Chorus]
Here's your gold watch and the shackles for your chain
And your piece of paper to say you left here sane
And if you've a son who wants a good career
Just get him to sign on the dotted line and work for fifty years