[Round 1: Marlo]
I'll never let Prob get the best of me
I'm just glad you managed to pull off that upper class pyjama project successfully
Once there was a rapper called DNA
DNA was one of the cleverest chaps off the head with the raps that was ever established, yeah
Grime Time and Smack had feathered his cap, with ledger and pad and pen
Now many a man from England wanted to step in to challenge, yet
He'd go West of the map and then into Canada, yeah so we had to rest, seemed like only American fans were getting the action
Then, DNA battled Eurgh at Vendetta, a mad event
Hell of a clash, impressions were had so next he would travel lengths
Gets sent to a match and then he came back to bury a hatchet when
He literally battled Mos Prob for some reason
Well congrats, he'll never be back again
Adam D Felman: the 'D' stands for cunt
You can hold your head up high but all I've got is an imposter in my sights like the Rockerfeller guy
Seriously, you studied film, worked in a call centre, you like to write comedy when high?
I know, Prob is awesome, right?
I don't know whether to insult his partial sight or complement the guy
Seriously, like stop copying my life
Now of course because I was second to check in to Don't Flop and pen a rhyme that I've been copying his life
Well fine dude, it'll be like Moon, times two, just a couple of Sam Rockwells in a fight
Nah fuck that clone shit
You're so weird you would clone shit
Your existence makes a mockery of mine
And whoever told you you were a comic, well they lied
The parody clown Sanity Valve may have sounded novel at the time
But you can't honestly deny that when the concordes took to flight that you weren't in a helicopter made of shite
My dissertation will shit on your dissertation
My dissertation said your dissertation was boring and basic and called it a racist
Said it's mum was a whore with a facelift
Now I'll admit, my style isn't usually freshest
But even the way you look screams student/pretentious
I mean even your stupid head looks like it's doing a lecture
When I first saw you, you with two of your friends just looking super tremendous on my uni prospectus
And fuck your long conversations trying to hop on my wavelength
Constantly saying we should do bad bars cos you've not got the patience to jot proper statements
I will not fucking cave in
And if I do, it's only because you're boring to write for
Like an uninspiring lock combination
I don't give a damn what your real name is
Haha, same name, call back humour - time
[Round 1: Mos Prob]
You dissing my shirt was more than slightly stupid
You're just jealous of my gangster-ness because I bothered to bring the iron to it
You're [?] to your knees
Do a Pedro flip, cause he freestyles rawer than me
Quarter to three...
You are so shit
People only know him because he's doing the same shit that Mos did, but post Grist
Fuck you, don't live, your style's got loads of holes in - no sieve
You should battle Psychosis in a 'Who's got the worst first name' battle - you'd both win
You're going to experience defeat not win
Your Hampshire-based mother is a real hot chick
Not talking about a folk band on fire when I mention how hot that Fleet Fox is
I spit that abusive-full
Your group is called, oh, it's Hat right - beautiful
I've got more hat flips than a Dick Van Dyke musical
The name Hat, well it fits, you should know it best
Because if hat was to be taken off you'd have to show respect
And if you hide behind Hat why is your stupid hairline showing then?
And I'd never be the sort to call you gay and that but live with Shuffle right?
I guess home is where you lay your hat (Nothing? Fair enough)
I go steaming past this peasant and leave him scars, again
I've got a sturdy mind, a steely heart and I can also type really fast
Either you're looking at your reflection in a spoon, or your hairline's receding hard
You forcing a motif by saying the word 'dude' is almost as awkward as me forcing a motif by saying the word 'dude'
What, you think no one else has sat down and locked in the room?
You think dead pan irony is something no one else can possibly do?
I hope your dissertation's presented sloppily, 'dude'
I hope your citations weren't even referenced properly, 'dude'
I hope when you're finished renting the property, 'dude'
You won't even get the money when the deposit is through
And for Don't Flop's posh toff top spot
You're the vaguest contender
I'll gravely offend you so save your conjecture
I finish degrees like yours on the way to a lecture
And you record my moves like when you mash up four nice tunes
I wonder what else this broad might do
Cos I've seen most of the same things in a night that you've seen in one of your nights too...
Time
[Round 2: Marlo]
Every time I see you, you have your fucking keyboard - it's true
Just in case when you're out on the streets performing rap
At least you'll always have the option to drop one of your really awesome tracks
You're that completely normal guy
On a battle card that'll practice bars on a Yamaha at the park
You've actually brought it with you today on top of everything else
In the megabus' special luggage, on top of everything else
You're like a fucking parent who's been scaring themself silly
Convinced that their kid'll be in menacing peril if they let it out of their sight for a second and dwell
It's a musical instrument - I'm sure it can fend for itself
Your man's overprotective as hell
Still, you never can tell
It's best to be careful and help
I knew a drum kit once which was left by itself
Went into the kitchen, grabbed the kettle, it fell on to his head, smacked it open like an egg in a shell
It was never itself
Next time I see you with that piece of pointless trash
We'll see what kind of damage it really ought to stand
I'll rip the keyboard off your back
Smash open the black notes and pee in all the gaps
So when you want to play in a major key the Es are falling flat
And eeK gets fucking mad (because of the key it ought to have)
Why the keyboard? Well, he composes scores
Made with pure skill for loads of your favourite short films
Wow, your parents must be super proud, man
Whenever you do a soundtrack
I'd turn the movie sound down, the movie sounds crap
His girlfriend's a battler, you know what rhymes with Rapunsell? Crap cuddles
How did you get a girlfriend to start battling? What was your method?
Did you sit her down, teach her rap and Hip Hop as a lesson
Then casually pop her the question?
Like 'Jaqueline, you could make me happy and honest I reckon
Now tell me what rhymes with hell-of-a-guy and you could rap on Don't Flop in second
I'm just imagining Prob re-enacting the plot of inception
Like Di Caprio's character, Cobb
He magically hops in her head and begins a dramatically complex adventure that's elaborate, long and contentious
And he implants the idea deep within her subconscious, now that'd be proper impressive
He'd even do the score himself so the soundtrack is an ominous presence
And now the battle scene has Adam D and Jaqueline
The family rapping team, aww that is sweet
One day she'll wake up from the trance and realise you're just a spastic freak
How did you get a girlfriend...
Time
[Round 2: Mos Prob]
I'm sorry to let you down
This isn't really in my image, it feels a bit like quitting
But for the next few rounds
I'm not going to win by entertaining, I'm going to win by winning
See, I want to test you [?]
Try my hardest to hit you
You mention your partner because he's sick and writes half of your shit too
You're best friends with Shuffle
All the polava you've been through
But you can't hardly rest on your laurels when your Hardy is with you
You're tall but for all [?] audience applauds [?] raucous [?]
He even got endorsed by a The Saurus
But I've got [?] support for my rawness
[?]
It's just awkward you weren't taught a course in endurance
So flog a dead horse til it's sore, I'm sure it's fun
But I give it four months til they're bored of this Morecambe & More cum
Your parents play Monopoly with actual property
And have their sushi served rawer than a Unanymous policy
People like us should be grateful for a chance to promote our comedy
Not talking over opponents, gloating cockily
For fuck's sake show some modesty
I don't give a floating toffee sweet for the TV panel show spot you seek
This isn't Mock The Week, this is mock the weak
And in the novelty stakes you've gained impressive height
You said lyrical once, and by Jove you've said it twice
But remember guys
Even though your fan-base has grown in depth and size
The Vengaboys had number one records twice
And still never really stood the test of time
So if you do get a spot at world domination four
I'll pull out my Venga-knife and take a Venga-flight just to shank you in your Venga-eyes
You Venga-claat
And when you make that inevitable slide to appalling
And the audience starts finding you boring
I'll be like 'Lo, how the mighty have fallen'
Shed one crocodile tear like when I'm listening to the cries of an orphan
And one actual tear like the day I had to say goodbye to my foreskin
I never cross the line, I've never got enemies
My one rule is that I never let this obsessive need to act offensively ever get to me
However, your four-year-old sister...
...is the only person that thinks you've got any longevity
And she don't even know what the hell it means
And I know your ilk and it's plain
People like 'Wow, a posh bloke with a skill - that's insane'
But dopeness wasn't built on a stage
And Rome wasn't built in a day
Time

[Round 3: Marlo]
Right, question, who voted for this?
That's right, nobody did
You know what it is
The moment it hit
Most were on his old school Toshiba loading in clicks
Over and over til his mouse broke into bits
He ticked the box like fifty odd times
Before it exploded the system
The forum closed and desisted
There wasn't a hope for the kids that wanted me to go against Briggs
And don't lie, I know guys, you totally did
It's mosh team versus posh team it would have only been sick
You had everything written ahead of this fixture
Before any ever decision was ever envisioned
Is he quite geeky? Yes
Why, look at the size of his specs
His technical side is the best
No, seriously, he might be IT obsessed
Christ he connected like nine ethernet
Cables underneath his table to his IP address
Just to make it absolutely certain we would fight to the death
Because he was psyched he would get to write me some threats
After I beat this peasant in five leagues of chess
Yes, you are quite keen to step now
Our rivals been keeping you up at night, feeling stressed, like:
'Goshdarnit, who does this Marlo guy think he is?
Being all middle class and white in this bitch
Doing rhymes about recycling bins
He sounds kinda like me a bit
Minus the lisp
I desperately try to hide when I spit'
Don't try and deny it you prick
So who claimed this is a mirror match?
Well that's quite depressing
Some facts might contest it but that's my contention
I mean, we may both well be well-spoken Gap Yah contenders
But I'm better by a damn-sight and you're not a damned sight impressive
Plus I can see perfectly, and Dan's sight's regressing
I stand by the fact I can out-write and test him
If this is a mirror match, watch me catch my reflection
We might both be middle class but I'm a different sort
See, I'm a frigging Lord
I will not drink your motherfucking wine if it is corked
Plus it's easier to picture me riding on a horse
You spit basic rhymes
And only take the prize
For most consistent miming
Of a walk when you're wobbling from side to side and back and forth
So fuck you, you cunt
Really, it should be clear this is true
You're only ever good in battles for all the weird shit you do
See you're the type to call it time in the middle of a s-
Time

[Round 3: Mos Prob]
I liked your chess scheme, it was actually quite decent
But you're an Aryan fuck-tard so you only play with the white pieces
This is my successor innit
Basically just me with a fresher image
Who got like six billion views in seven minutes
When I'm pushing 35K and stretching limits
I mean damn, I'm gunna have to find myself a better gimmick
Time to fucking get submissive
This is the [?] mandrils [??]
Versus the Pope and The Bangles [??]
And you're partly culpable Bagnall
'Cos when I started to build a cult through my battles
They won't even film from multiple angles
See, I grew up collecting dust
Never did the sex as much
Stayed in the possessive clutch of a well over-protective mum
Bullied by oppressive thugs, so I never had the strength to punch
[?] being smarmy and offensive got ladies interested, yum
[?] wouldn't have to do test and stuff
No prospects so I spent each day in a call centre, depressed as fuck
Then ended up in a financially dependent rut, [?], doing sketchy stuff for my bestest chum, sound familiar?
Damn right, I fucking bet it does
And then he started to battle rap
But you're just someone else's sad sequel
Don't Flop's where I discovered multis, how to get flips off [?]
How to get flipped off and act evil
Don't Flop is where you discovered Hip Hop, females and black people
I'll humiliate you in public, and then we'll go to the cinema after
This isn't a difference between who can spit a bar faster
Or give them hard laughter
This is a difference between a middle class rapper and a middle class wrapper
I mean, I'm just as middle class as you
But it's something that I don't try to hard to prove
The same guilt that's a part of me is a part of you
I feel bad when I see a homeless person and pass them too
And when someone burps I actually say 'Pardon you'
But this is genuine rapper - so posh, glasses, jew versus teribble actor -
Don't Flop's Martin Clunes
And since it's my demographic that gave Mark his views
And they pass to you, it's the same irony card you abused
Except I only used mine on the outside of the mask I used
Your whole stance is proved [??] used
So at the moment it doesn't
Your whole stance is proved to be just a simulation of lines other artists used
So, at the moment it doesn't really seem that hard to lose
But you don't get to be Dizaster with smarter shoes and a middle class martyr too
It may make everyone laugh it's true
But the side I'm on is of a darker hue
It's time to meet your father, Luke
So yeah, you're funny, clever with rhymes, incredibly posh
And I don't doubt you're better with props
But why only wait 'til you step in the spot
See these? No you can be me whenever you want