[Round 1: Marlo]
Hello!
Sorry, can I just-
You know what rhymes with "Ant and Decker matched against Some battle veteran gangster men as black as leather?"
"Admin error"

[Shuffle T]
I mean someone fucked up
We went from champions league with Cracker and Cee
To blacker than Bleek in a matter of three calendar weeks

[Marlo]
Well if that isn't peak

[Shuffle T]
With a capital P
Now whether you're here and you're part of the crowd
Or you're sitting at home with your ass on the couch you absolutely have to take part in this now

[Marlo]
We're doing the first Don't Flop drinking game to start off the round
Every single time we use a fat bar for this clown

[Shuffle T]
Put your glass to your mouth
[Marlo]
Every single time that you see Marv look around cause he hasn't got reaction from half of the crowd
Or when Quest makes a point of never laughing and frowns

[Shuffle T]
Take your motherfucking bottle and drink half of it down

[Marlo]
Remember the rules, starting from....now

[Shuffle T]
You fat fucker!

[Marlo]
Drink!

[Shuffle T]
He's proper fat
When he's on his back he don't sleep right
It gives him some pretty fucking lonely nights
You're a fat rapper from Detroit so it's only right
That you change you stage name to Obese Trice

[Marlo]
Drink!
You're a disgrace to Real Deal's line of work
He's not been battling in awhile, chasing up his dream further
But it's gotten tons of views and now he's someone we've heard of
You can catch him in his whip reviewing stuff that he's purchased
Like, "Damn, get yourself that double cheese burger"
[Both]
Damn, damn drink

[Marlo]
And we're not done
Quest is getting paid in money, you're getting paid in coupons to get food

[Shuffle T]
Eurgh had to call yesterday to make sure Cruger had fed you that fruit in his bedroom
He sent you a package just to prove there's a menu
Like-

[Shuffle T]
"Don't worry there'll be food at the venue."

[Marlo]
You require two different restrooms and two extra seats for them tits
You must be pleased with them tits; Christina Hendricks
Normally Quest, you'd be fit in the scheme but next to Marv you're about as skinny as me

[Shuffle T]
Luckily you have ridiculous teeth

[Marlo]
Make sure you're also drinking for these
In the name of good sportsmanship grin for us please
People see that giant gap-
[Shuffle T]
You fucking bastard
People see that gap in his tooth thinking it's in his genes
But he pulled 'em apart himself to make it simpler to eat

[Marlo]
They always play this game
Quest stands at a distance of feet
[S] Specifically three
[M] Gritting his teeth
[S] Then Marv takes aim and starts flicking some meat at the bit in-between
[M] And the bigger the piece of chicken or beef the quicker he beats the kids that compete with him in the streets
So Shuff' first international boys that we battled

[Shuffle T]
I'm just glad we didn't have to resort to cheap angles

[Marlo]
But these guys are from Detroit, they're connected in the region
Marv even had a scene in 8 Mile
Well...except it was deleted
So I guess you could believe we've been prepping like we mean it
Hahaha, we only took this battle cause there's a non-point, non, non, non, non, non, non 1% chance Eminem will see it

[Shuffle T]
But we heard you boys are quite tight with Royce Da 5'9"

[Marlo]
In the music scene

[Shuffle T]
This might not be at all the right time but we've always like Ryan

[Marlo]
Introduce us please
Look, you guys are bitter as fuck
I'm thinking just once can you cheer the fuck up and start grinning at stuff?
Then again perhaps we can forgive you for the stick in your butts
Because I'm sure being a rapper up in Michigan's tough
I mean you surround yourself with artists sold a million plus
You basically already just admitted you suck

[Shuffle T]
Forever going on about knowing Eminem is completely nonsense
I don't even believe you really see him often
So don't listen to his lies or feed the problem
Like giving free adoption to Ian Watkins
And Marv', Marv' thinks he's friends with Royce and they're the best of boys
Until he turns up at his studio in west Detroit
And he's like, "Let's record" and Royce is like-

[Marlo]
"Yeah for sure. I've always got time for you Mr. Porter
Big Herk, Trick Trick

[Both]
Quest Mcoy."

[Round 1: Quest Mcody]
Ayo London what up?
I'd like to apologize, again, for another lackluster performance

[Marvwon]
And we STILL

[Quest Mcody]
Waiting on Illmac'/The Saurus

[Marvwon]
But instead we got Marlo and...how do you say it? Shafloose?
Shuffle? Like card shuffle, okay
But instead we got Marlo and Shuffle T

[Quest Mcody]
Eurgh what the fuck you trying to force it?

[Marvwon]
But, thanks for the free trip guys, cause the scenery

[Both]
Gorgeous!

[Quest Mcody]
The pints, they always cold
[M] And you know I love the fish and chips
[Q] So I'm out here like a dog catcher cause I'ma get this bitch
[M] Now I'ma get this bitch
[Q] The way y'all biting us with that off and on y'all seem to be more off than.......Marv'
[M] On
[Q] So now we like pneumonia
[M] We on y'all
[Q] We trying to get that coughing (coffin)....the fuck man
[M] On, we trying to get the coughing on
[Q] [?] if you not gonna take it serious
[M] Aye look my n***a, I won't lie I'm just not interested
You'd think I would give a fuck
[Q] All this fucking money Eur' invested
[M] I'ma keep it a buck with you Quest
I'm honestly not impressed with the people they good
[Q] They already know who the best is
[M] Look Fresco
[Q] That's not Fresco
[M] Are you sure n***a?
[Q] Yes bro
[M] Well for the duration of this battle, this n***a's gonna be Fresco
[Q] Well I'ma give a Pass to his ass like that wack rapper from the west coast
[M] I'm saying look at this n***a though
[Q] Wait a minute, excuse me...alright man I owe you five pounds he do look like Fresco
[M] N***a I fucking told you, you know what? You gotta go back t the old you
[Q] You talking 'bout when we killed that caveman cracker and that old Jew?
[M] So true

[Quest Mcody]
You better pay homage, no Vontage we call the shots
My G's proper I'm E Baca off the block
Ichabod Crane I'll off ya top
Take half off T like a halter top

[Marvwon]
I'll have you talking fast for your life, it's like you working at an auction block
I'm up here sonning these stiffs, n***a I feel like Christopher Walken's pops

[Quest Mcody]
Hold up, you should kick in his shit, walk in, POP

[Marvwon]
Nah, I'd rather tie something around his neck
[Q] And do what?
[M] And have him screaming for Christ like he orthodox
[Q] So y'all smile, cheese, get your portrait shot
[M] No, no, no, y'all don't get it, smile, cheese, or get your portrait shot
[Q] That's not what I meant I said I make 'em run some miles, cheese or get your poor traits shot
[M] Now see that's three ways you can get your poor face shot
[Q] Hey waiter, waiter, I got trey pounds, pour eight shots
[M] Wait Eur', wait Eur', I got a trey pound that'll pour eight shots
Fuck this, I'm over these n***as heads like a parade shot
[Q] Fuck that, if I'm over this creep head he'll get poor aid shot
[M] Bang, get money
[Q] Fox

[Round 2: Shuffle T]
I really like that bit where you got aggressive and decided to go hood
And that bit where you said Eur' like "er" that was SO good

[Marlo]
You said we look like Fresco that was a shit line
I don't really have a flip for that, but please take off your sunglasses you're inside
Wait, I'm taking a piss because he is blind
You called your blog iamdetroithiphop
Oh yeah, cause if I say Detroit hip hop this guy is what you all think of
According to your bio you've an attitude to like
Allegedly, way back in school he rhymed
An assembly, he started rapping through some lines
About the importance of reading and how it can improve your life

[Shuffle T]
Then, in 2011, 47% of Detroit adults were found functionally illiterate

[Marlo]
It's sad but true you'll find
Plus your employment rate of all the states is awful mate I don't have to prove I'm right
And we can assume that's factored to the stats for brutal crime
That are moving rapid through the sky like the channel viewers guide
Every avenue you'll find there's a gangster shooting nines

[Shuffle T]
Now 50,000 Michigan citizens on average doing time

[Marlo]
More than a handful doing life, they'll probably stand to lose the fight

[Shuffle T]
And dammit you can try to deny it and dispute the science

[Marlo]
This is all single handedly your fault for delivering a totally basic uninspiring rap when you were nine
But I tip my hat to you, you tried

[Shuffle T]
Now when it comes to battling, face it bro, it's changing so you need to learn to take a joke
There's a gay battler now

[Marlo]
Sorry

[Shuffle T]
His name's "Charron"
In November, mid battle one of our mates proposed and we're helping him pick out the babies clothes

[Marlo]
Cause you grew up on battle rap, but it changed from when you were teens
It's not the same stuff you used to see
Right now I could get Shuffle to take off his shoe for me
Put his face on it stupidly and inhale like he's Scuba Steve

[Both]
Yeah! What?!

[Marlo]
Watch these purist pricks lose their shit
Don't hate on what you can see, it's the wave of the future
So face it fast guys, your favorite past time just

[Both]
Ain't what it used to be, ain't what it used to be, ain't what it used to be

[Marlo]
Now for those of you who don't know, their history's strange
At the WRC's they put on a shitty display

[Shuffle T]
It was literally waste

[Marlo]
Conveniently though, later, the clicks of the day, mysteriously went missing

[Shuffle T]
Okkkkkayyyy

[Marlo]
But that's the thing, stealing video tapes, probably used to have its kick in the day
Right? Now I bet it just isn't the same

[Shuffle T]
So part of the reason Quest and Marv are starting to feel it's hard To be part of the scene they're repping hard
It's cause it's harder to steal a memory card

[Marlo]
We're guarding you Liam, protect the bars!
They're kleptomaniacs, been addicted from day
And it's not just video tapes or digital frames it's 35 mil film cells as well
All Marshal wanted was to put you in his Academy award winning movie
But you just couldn't help yourself

[Shuffle T]
People think they haven't battled together for three years
They have, they just have been stealing the footage

[Marlo]
Believe me, we're looking

[Shuffle T]
OMG, you won't believe
They were at a 2 on 2 in the last event but they were awful and they cried

[Marlo]
So now you'll never see Marv and Quest vers' The Saurus & Daylyt

[Shuffle T]
You just had to steal the proof from Body Bagnall so we wouldn't see you losing on the channel
Not only did you put Liam through a lot of hassle

[Marlo]
But guys the S.D. card you stole had the secret Lunar/Shotty battle!

[Shuffle T]
But you know, they still completely deny stealing those videotapes in 2007
Let's check this out, they even had to go to court to prove what they say
Let's check this out, I'll be the prosecution and mate you be their lawyer

[Marlo]
I'm Jewish, it's great!

[Shuffle T]
"Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury today
Marvin O'neal and Kimani Graham are accused of the breaking and looting of tapes
Method of concealment?
It's true that we face this a few different ways
But I've come across indisputable evidence proving that they
Snuck the item in question through Mr. Graham's missing tooth in his face
Now if I can direct your attention to the security tap-
Has anyone seen my security tapes?"

[Marlo]
Ah, your honor my clients felt they were losing the case
And choose if they may to resume in a day."

[Shuffle T]
"Are they guilty or not?"

[Marlo]
"They're refusing to say."

[Round 2: Quest Mcody]
London, we got a problem
Every time we hear y'all only giving credit to Cruger and Eurgh
It's like y'all clowned us
The fact it took this long to get us over here astounds us
Don't Flop is a awesome movement, shit, we practically found it
It was '07, Jumpoff, it was a company, called Jumpoff
Y'all wanna know what happened?

[Marvwon]
Look, look, legally our lawyer said we can not discuss Jumpoff

[Marlo]
It's true, I did tell them that

[Marvwon]
Literally, you're great
But we gave y'all jump off a bridge, that was cool, that was fresh
Now we would like for y'all to jump off Tower Bridge with these ropes around ya necks
I remember Jumpoff said they had 50K
[Q] Hi Harry
[M] But then Jumpoff fucked up the church's money
[Q] Bye Harry
[M] These rappers can never stomach the burden that I carry
That's why these fags is getting smoked like squares
[Q] Hi fairies

[Marvwon]
If this was high school, you'd be the geek and you'd be the outcast
We'd be with the cheerleaders worried about ass
You'd be in study hall, worried about class
I walk the halls high fiving teachers cause I'm popular
{Marvwon gives Real Deal a high five}
You walk the halls with your head down, getting pushed into the lockers
I'd be homecoming king, we'd never speak
N***a we'd never be friends
I didn't even know you existed until I hear about your little plot for revenge
You trying to turn this battle into Columbine I think not
You'll see the irony when the kid in the coat is the one that's being shot

[Quest Mcody]
I will go from flat top to flat top
I'll flame that top to that top
With one finger I will bang on T, it's like the buttons stuck on my laptop
You ass, twat, a dummy, a goofy

[Marvwon]
What else?!

[Quest Mcody]
You a bigger pussy than Precious cootchie
Y'all saw the vibe, like Dr. Dre you'll get Beats in front of the crowd
You royalty, I'll dent his grill if I feel like capping his crown
Hold up: dentist, grill, cap, crown

[Marvwon]
We graduated from students to kings, you know, from the cap to the crowns
[Q] You can't fuck with me
[M] When I buck and squeeze
[Q] I clutch with ease
[M] It looks like you're sucking deez
[Q] You gon' think he trying to "battle"
[M] You mean "ba'le"
[Q] When we muffle "T"
Y'all got two options: Get in the bed
[M] Or have a fight
[Q] I'll run up on your ghost in his afterlife and stab it twice
And tell it to get in the fucking bed
[M] Or have a fight
[Q] Them pants make you look like a straight faggot
[M] A dyke, a dyke though, a faggot dyke though
[Q] You can be as nuts as you want and they wouldn't put this fairy in a straight jacket

[Round 3: Marlo]
Diss me for wearing pants
That's okay, skinny jeans is something they've never had

[Shuffle T]
Yeah you guys are some of the originators, you were the worst of the fricking lot
Being you guys is like being the Olympic guards of knitting clothes
But you know the saying, every dog is meant to have his day
You guys been doing this awhile, we don't forget that that's the case
But you been around so long no one ever trash your name
So all you've really ever acquired is fucking pension plan of praise

[Marlo]
And in the old days Quest carried you through Marvin

[Marvwon]
That's right

[Marlo]
He'd always drop a few punches and look to you, wanting you to contribute something
And it's like, Q's shrugging
Plus you have a huge stomach so the moods tough and there's really no easy way of you budging
There's an actual Jumpoff battle where this dude's slumped on a stool mumbling
While this guy's bobbing all over the place like Cool Runnings
Marv', you're like a dickhead at a theme park that approves cutting
You just watch Q jump in and do nothing

[Shuffle T]
And now you guys are here...for some reason
But you haven't been on lately
You came out to the UK and nobody cared, you're battling's Tom Daley

[Marlo]
You guys are so forgotten now, people who still know about you show off that they know about you

[S] "What you know about ahh, Marv' and Quest?"
[M] "Hmm? No."
[S] "The were only the battle rap architects."
[M] "What?"
[S] "They only went and influenced Mr. Kanye West."
[M] "Personally I quite like that Dialect."
[S] "Yeah, if you're into post 2007 neo scripted bars then yes."

[Marlo]
You're not even part celeb
The chance that half of them having already heard of Marv' and Quest is about as likely as you two knowing Martin Kemp
[S] Or [?]
[M] Or Arthur Dent
[S] Or garlic bread
[M] Or Martin Spence
[S] Or Father Ted
[M] Or Wagon Wheels

[Shuffle T]
Why do you do that?
Check the last event, we're by far the best partner's yet
We make Ark' and Steph look like they've hardly met

[Marlo]
But Marv' and Quest?
Never seen a chemistry so largely stretched since the Thanksgiving right before your father left

[Shuffle T]
Ah ha yes
Poor Marv', he still believes the reasons for why his dad would have to go
Damn, how longs it take to grab a pack of smokes?

[Marlo]
My dad is back at home
Our environmental upbringings based on social and economic circumstance probably really differ

[Shuffle T]
AHHHH!

[Marlo]
You see robbery, thieves and triggers
We make broccoli trees at dinner

[Shuffle T]
In your battles you go on about how weapons are good
That is literally the oldest trick that's left in the book
Doing that to us is stupid you're not getting us shook
The only person you'd be shooting is yourself in the foot

[M] I had a gun once! It had a plastic circle and ten caps
[S] I had a gun once! It shot a red flag that said "Bang"
[M] I had a gun once! Shot water at my pet cat
[S] I had a gun once! Went pheasant hunting in Penzance

[Marlo]
Now I've never gripped the Tec son and I'll don't think I'll get one
I mean the fact that I could hurt someone is pretty messed up
Plus, I'd probably shoot myself in the flipping leg bruv
Like that awesome scene in 8 Mile that didn't get cut

[Shuffle T]
You settle your differences with guns and violence
We settle our differences with hugs and crying
You're all about repping the crazy streets, collecting or making green
Weapons and [?] and Mexican strains of weed

[Marlo]
And I don't care if your Bentley was made for speed or Benz has amazing seats
My Fiesta from '83 gets me from A to B

[Shuffle T]
Quest and Marv', in the UK don't expect respect from bars
You need to go home to get it like Brent's guitar
So now you're getting stretched apart by Jeffrey Dahmer and Genghis Khan

[Marlo]
Couple black jokes on stage, Kevin Hart could get a laugh just by saying "Quest and Marv'"
Your career's flopped, it's a week before your pension starts
And you've made your marks as friends of stars
Best regards
Now get the fuck back to America and don't expect an X-Mas card
But you will be getting a present Marv'
A t-shirt that says, "I'm with dental scars"

[Both]
In extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra...medium

[Marlo]
Time!

[Shuffle T]
Not time, not time! It's not time unfortunately
Theo

[Marlo]
Yes Adam

[Shuffle T]
We met each other five years ago in Fambridge West End
We were dreaming of being on Don't Flop, being able to set trends
And since that day, our friendship has only managed to extend
So this is for every bar you didn't like but we kept them
This is for when the weight of our shoulders made our neck bend
I'll still be there for you man even when our rep ends
So please, will you be my super duper forever z's, no giveback z's best friend?
He said "yes"

[Round 3: Marvwon]
Yo this is an expensive battle, you know how we wage war
So it wouldn't be right if we didn't give them the Marv' and Quest that they paid for
I heard your bitch is your flatmate
I'll fuck her until you got a flat mate
She's easy on the eyes and the pockets, she let us all fuck for a flat rate
When it's that time she hit my line, the code word is "snack cake"

[Quest]
Snack cake?

[Marvwon]
Snack cake, it's the reverse Oreo
That's when she take them white titties and smash 'em on this black face

[Quest Mcody]
You're a faggot but act straight
Every time you watch porn, he lactates

[Marvwon]
More n***as have taken turns in you than in a cracked safe

[Quest Mcody]
More middle fingers have been on your ass than a backspace
More ball juice has been in your grill than Pat's face

[Marvwon]
Y'all grease up gerbils, shove 'em up each other's asses and call it "a rat race"

[Q] Y'all give a whole new meaning to sack chase
[M] I'm thoroughly offended that you actually know how that man's sack taste
[Q] Your mom go to bed in a Hulk Hogan rip off t-shirt and a back brace
[M] She's a real American
[Q] And she carries a gun
[M] And she got an airbrushed fanny pack with a flag on it and an eagle with the words, "These colors don't run"
[Q] Your pops got a tramp stamp on his lower lumbar that says, "We cum for fun."
[M] And a tattoo where his mustache should be that says, "Party has just begun"
[Q] Let's do some Bad Bars
[M] Fuck it, get real
[Q] You're gonna think that I put Robocop on his ass
[M] How?
[Q] When I make him sit still (steel)
[M] We're like an overweight Trevor Weller
[Q] What's that?
[M] A big Deal
[Q] I will take your pregnant K-9 and sit it on top of an igloo
[M] And tell her what? And tell her what?
[Q] And tell that bitch "chill"
[M] You guys are like hamburgers made up of ground up children
[Q] What would that be?
[M] A kid's meal
[Q] Bad Bars that's something you gotta deal with

[Marvwon]
Fuck that, you two ain't big enough bodies
So Eur' the next time we come over here it better be for
[Q] DNA, Charlie...what's my man's name?
[M] I want the fat Joker Starr n***a
[Q] I'll take Cee Major
[M] Or motherfucking Shotty
[Q] Bring them bodies
[M] Bring them bodies, get money we out