[Round 1: Shuffle T]
Shut up Dialect and Zen

[Marlo]
Who here is from out of town?
[?]
Adam...100 pounds

[S] 100 pounds?
[M] Come on now, don't fuck about, we put money down
[S] What?
[M] You bet me Dialect would get his title shot before this month was out
[S] He has got his title shot

[Marlo] ...THIS DOESN'T COUNT!
The fact that you've had to just stand and nod and accept this match
Is probably the most frank insulting you've ever had since the banker's offer was seven grand
The fucking Double's Title?!
I bet if you'd been more patient you could've had your shot at the better man
I'm just saying, you're only really here to narrow down the odds of who get the champ
Now your American fans are confused as shit cause you've had to borrow a friend to clash
[Shuffle T]
Cause you've had the options that Zen has lacked
[M] You're out the [?] November
[S] And [?] I've got you a separate clash
[M] It's like you're stacking blocks on a Jenga stand
[Shuffle-T] But he hasn't got very dexterous hands
So he's casually knocking 'em, sending 'em crashing and that's the problem with friends that rap
[Marlo] No, the actually problem is your friend is crap
You don't need his help to reach for your goal
You're Maradona that extra hand is cannon fodder you [?] that
[Shuffle-T]
And that was cause for massive awkward astronomical tension lads
I mean this pairing hasn't got an effective plan
It's catastrophic as Leningrad or crashing rockets in Dexter's Lab

[Marlo]
You said Zen is like a little brother
If that's still the case you're Gilbert Grape
And that's an honorable gesture man
Giving up this time to sort your bro's needs
That gangster life you talk is phony
But you are like Michael Corleone
A man that's on a successful track who's family honor will set him back

[Shuffle-T]
Was that scheme a minute long?

[Marlo] Yeah
[Shuffle-T] What was the point?
[Marlo] Zen's the shit one

[Shuffle-T]
Four words that took
Look, we can see why you got this title match
I mean you beat Ricky C and Crisis Music
You lost to Bowski and Big Sars
[Marlo]
What the fuck? Is going on?

[Shuffle-T]
You two are not a proper team
There's no interaction when you spit schemes
Your two on two's look like two separate battles on the split screen
Bowski and Sars killed you, embarrassing you with ease
They deserve the shot to the champions of this league
Fucking hell that's actually true though

[Marlo]
You're both here based on individual merit, that's Dialect alone
And there's team's that work of a team should have chance to rep the throne
If we had a say, we'd rather Bowski and Sarters get a go
You two have been forced on us like when I last refreshed my phone

[Shuffle-T]
So who the fuck in here thinks this boy can take the belt?
What? Cause you can flip your [?] change of wealth?
See you can rebuttal something but you need to employ some basic help
Cause what's the point, flipping a point, when you don't have a point to make yourself?

[Marlo]
And last year, after we just beat Cee Major
And his partner...the artist formerly known as "Dickhead"
You won't believe the way Zen started pandering to me
Like, "Marlo how does it feel to be the champion my G?
You are the motherfucking man up here in Leeds
Don't you get it? I'd be so fucking gassed if it was meeee!"
[Shuffle-T]
Yeah, it's exactly because you're so hyperactive when you're keen
That you'll never be the title holding battler in this league

[Marlo]
If they win today? Whoo. That'll be a scene
Eurgh starts saying, "The new Don't Flop champ-" he starts crapping in his jeans
And even when the official news hasn't been released
Expect a statement from Ferris that will read, "This actually is a dream"
With a link to We Are The Champions by Queen

[Shuffle-T]
Leeds, [?] to see the title chain
I know to you it has some massive appeal
But like I told you it's a figure of speech, it's not actually real

[Marlo]
This battle means everything to Zen
Cause he's never felt as important as Dialog
If he loses today it'll be too much to take he'll fall like a life was lost
And seeing his flips and predicting the end of our bars is all you're relying on
If you try predicting a bar at any point in this battle it means you forfeit this title sh-
It's okay it's just a joke
This does mean a lot to you

[Shuffle-T]
Fuck Zen and Dialect they're never getting my respect
They're getting severed by the neck like Jebediah's head
And if [?] tries to step I'll have him dead at my request
Make him get a giant check and have it sent to my address
Call up the banker and tell him I accept
But he can get it too if he doesn't recognize the best
I- sorry, sorry, when we get inside events
Can you please pull down your hat you have a very shiny head

[Marlo]
Everyone shut up cause we got a slogan now
They said, "Hey Shuffalo, kill 'em with bars like you usually do."
We said, "I think you might have us confused with somebody else."
They said, "Are you not Unanymous and Chris Leese?"
We said, "No"
They said, "Oh...Are they here?"
We said, "I don't know about Chris but Unan' probably, he's battling Soul tomorrow."

[Round 2: Zen]
I'm not gonna lie, they are good aren't they?
I mean Shuffle T and Marlo's lyrics are hot
And I'm not gonna talk like I'm gonna hold the Glock
But on the real G, you are so shit you just need to [?] out cold and squat
Cause you know what? I fucked up then, I seen his tee and thought "Geez
This geezer's been everywhere."
Cause you know it's always grease when I start being free to this pair
And I think to myself, "How can Shuffle T and his [?] compare?
Cause after I kill these motherfuckers he'll be screaming "Bear"
You know how he said all I'm ever doing is getting hyperactive I'm not worth the title shot
But on the real, I'm calm right now, I ain't buzzing now
And then you said, it doesn't matter if we don't win cause this shit doesn't count
But I could still kill him in twelve bars and make a dozen count
See today we've come to beat you
So we can let you be Funny People
And that's just banter
We're about to make you look like Adam Sandler when he had the cancer
So you can try to win of with bags of laughter
But me and Dialect, we're two contract killers here for a nominal fee
Don't think we were going to catch these bodies for free
You reached the top of the league, tried filling your wallet with peas
But only get charity for being for being the comic relief
Your rap name, used to be "Ki"
I'm gonna keep it, ki-nda brief
We're in Leeds so it's only right we see Kaiser Chief

[Dialect]
And real talk I ain't try to mock your team
But why do you rhyme with this guy when his life's obsolete?
It reminds me of the runt of the litter
Always hungry for dinner but never quite got the teat
I mean come on fam', I mean you do look depressed as fuck
You're just another lost civilian
And it's quite obvious you use comedy to block the images of feeling lost cause your spot at the top is limited
But you need to stop the ignorance
Cause if you don't sort your life out before you got the millions
Your depression will have you resting in the same coffin that Robin's chilling in

[Zen]
Marlo...is it true? Do you suffer from depression?
Well keep stressing and soon enough you'll be needing a weave bredrin
When Shuffle T was out on his estate looking for hare
Marlo was in a state, looking for hair

[Dialect]
I mean come on fam', look at his hair
If you took more love and care into brushing your hair instead of just pushing it there
He probably wouldn't have that fucking affair
And you butt ugly pair would look like Sonny and Cher

[Zen]
On the real, don't think we didn't come here prepared
And this pair better not doubt what I said
Cause it won't be no bald patch when I put a round in your head
Shuffle T and Marlo, dot cross around them dead
Who crowned them the best?
You ain't nothing but clowns with a rep
Fuck an ounce of weed, what you know about an ounce of respect?

[Dialect]
What do you know about traveling around for the set
And try to stack pounds and the checks to make sure your daughter's mouth is getting fed
I mean we do more than hang around the events
So how are you a vet when you hardly come out of your ends like you're on housing arrest

[Zen]
Do you know why? Cause you ain't the best
So don't get deep when things will get real gritty in the Leeds city
Don't be silly trying to beef with the three mili gets [?] sent to your seed quickly
See piggy quick three fifty, I've seen your chick eat Willy
Then I dance on stage but I ain't P. Diddy
Then the beast in me recently so don't think that he would've beaten me easily

[Dialect]
Easily I'm a beast in the Leeds city streets
So the mind of a [?] locked of the knees of defeat
Would've hoped y'all body will be leaving your feet
I'm not shook, I've been squeezing the heat
If you're posh well you're fucked til you bleed with your peeps
I'm a lyricist just like Weezy or D but we'll talk speed to 'em Z

[Zen]
See me? Battler from the Leeds city roads
With a man am I breezy with flows so easy for foes
Think that our team is a joke
We'll blow your body and be leaving ya; coat
I don't care about [?] posh and you're fucked and you're beefing your bros
Feelings will be [?] tee deep in the mud like Nina Simone
So you don't wanna get rowdy with Zen Rowsy with [?] doubt me
I'm out with your ex shouting the set
[?] brown card in my rep knowing [?]

[Dialect]
Time for the best spitters coming out of the west
Down to ingest every single ounce of your flesh
Sounds are perfected, I got the [?] so now that my whole style is out of your deck

[Zen]
[?] Bring out the sounds of the dead
[?] these nerds get jerked on account or effect

[Dialect]
How could you test when you're looking down to the fest'
Surrounded by face cause you keep hounding your ex

[Zen]
Thinking you're posh when you're out your becks
Coming off on bars so come counting the 'clef
Come for your drugs, housing arrest
I'll break in bursting and then I'm out with the [?]

Let's get back to it, cause me and Dialect, we haven't come here to just jam
I want you to know, even though this 2 on 2 title might have come to hand
You will never play no part of it's culture fam'
And it's funny, how you look so much like Russell Brand
And keep speaking on subjects you really don't understand

[Dialect]
Cause whether you two think you're tough in the double
I guarantee he'll always change his tune when I put it on shuffle

[Round 2: Shuffle T]
Yo
All that grime shit, I don't think that we're quite equal
And why were you guys clapping when they were doing that? Pssst, white people

[Marlo]
Last year we tore it up on stage smash as a two
This crowd knew from the jump the scene crack and we're through
Now you wanna taste of what it's like to be the champions too?
You don't want it, trust me
...Aye...seriously...you don't want the double's title, that is the truth
They make you do battles with food

[Shuffle T]
Speaking of food

[Marlo]
There's something we've got to drop it's on our conscious

[Shuffle T]
We've got to expose this pussy scumbag for some proper bollocks

[Marlo]
Do you wanna tell 'em? Do you? Go on, tell 'em all 'bout the interesting fact on your online official Deal Or No Deal player profile says

[Shuffle T]
"Marcus: I'm used to having too much of a sweet tooth and love scoffing chocolates"
Scoffy, woffy chocolate
How INTERESTING
Big bad gangster man with tooth sweeter than Koster grains
He'll blast away half your face if he's asked to wait til after eight for a [?]
So why are you acting like you're gully and such?
The only chills you'd pop are the fucking Guylian ones

[Marlo]
No, no, no, no, you're street, all quality

[Shuffle T]
I mean, imagine Christmas Eve and he's got his stocking up with the gifts on the mantle

[M] His daughter all excited, sneaks in with a candle
[S] And sees her father dressed up as the Grinch with a satchel
[M] Mouth covered in chocolate like
[S] "Christmas is cancelled."
I know what you're thinking, "How dare he (dairy) milk bars of this topic."
See it's really weird just being here
Watching him, wiping saliva from his lip
And running low on oxygen see, he just wants his chocolate fix
He wants to be scoffing it, he wants a whole box of it
Be a shame if I was to start, I don't know, dropping it

[Marlo]
Stomp on it!
I'll admit, what you did with that bar was a massacre
C'mon mate there's kids starving in Africa

[Shuffle T]
Now look, you know we're only joking with you about the amount of sugar you eat
And we like that we can joke with you cause we respect you so much cause you're good for the league
I mean you said a couple of bars over the years we couldn't believe
And I'm just...sorry, I'm quite aware that your friend keeps looking at me

[Marlo]
Such a desparate little fucking bear it angers me
Our theory on the way that you attack the scene
See you only take opponents on a downward streak

[S] Let's take a look at your battle sheet
[M] You have Sensa after a bad defeat
[S] Quill at the time he was catch heat for not being able to catch a beat
[Both] And ah, Bleek

[Marlo]
See the title chain will make a guy insane just to show he's got a [?]
That's why Zen will never battle with an opponent on a roll
But if a battler's sucking he'll snap 'em up like photo of a pole
Cause it could be for him an easy win and he's going for the gold
[?] bars are shit, but if it's appropriate I'm sold
Being a poacher is your role, that makes you closer to your goal

[Shuffle T]
What was the question that you recently asked me?

[Marlo}
What? Why does Dialect always rap about genitalia?

[Shuffle T]
Penis's largely
You're always referencing cocks when you're completing a bar scheme
You got dicks on the head like he fell asleep at a party

[Marlo]
You said, "I'm warring with vet' that's got a foreskin for a neck"

[Shuffle T]
Something about getting your hand on baby's bell that was as awkward as it gets

[Marlo]
And by god, if you didn't say, "I'm not talking about an erection when I say I keep my semi tucked"

[Shuffle T]
Pause it for effect

[Marlo]
You really need to stop referencing guys erections mate
Cause the word on everyone's lips is that Dialect is gay
So if they become the champs forgive me if I don't celebrate
Cause there will be cock lines at the top like a weather vane

[Shuffle T]
When Bleek's dick pic leaked, we laughed about that
Dialect was like, "I'm gonna write a bar about that."

[Marlo]
Aye Zen, your set-ups are shit mate

[Shuffle T]
So disappointing we forgot what the bar is
Your punches are boring, it's four when you started then we cropped it at half six
It's like telling your kids you're going to Disneyland and they hop in the car quick
Then saying, "Nah, I'm just joking. We're actually going shopping for carpets."

[Marlo]
And let me guess Marcus, you brought your goons with you
I knew you would

[Shuffle T]
Wait, wait, don't call him a bastard, alright? Back down
It's his nasty friends that are making him act out
And when he brings up those goons every time he raps now
It's not his fault he's falling in with a bad crowd

[Marlo]
Marcus, truthfully, we gotta say, we think you're a pretty nifty dude
Gifted in the booth
But, you have got to stop chilling with these...
[S] Goons
[M] Goons
They are a bad influence on you

[Shuffle T]
I'd love to have you over for dinner, wouldn't I? I really would
But I just know you'll bring your goons
And I do not need 15 dudes in shitty boots springing through my living room
Who's gonna pay if they nick my spoons?
And you might like having friends that'll kill for you
But one of these days...they could be killing you

DIE IN A HOLE ZEN!

[Round 3: Dialect]
Fuck these dudes, I enjoy chocolates and I like cookies too
I got bars like Charlie's Chocolate Factory and big rounds like Augustus Gloop

[Zen]
These guys were always gonna hate on me
But I like to think some people in here think I flow sick
They all think I've got shit set ups until I build an explosive
I can say that shit cause you all know I'm Asian
You said 50 dudes sprinting through your living room
That ain't dinner dude that's a home invasion
[?] choked and flopped
That ain't gonna happen cause you all know my flows is hot
And what I was meant to say at that point is, "If I go and get my gun and blow the Glock
You'll get left stretched out like that first scheme in your first round slogan was."
Check, see this is banter-ous versus cantankerous
He's battling, know what?
You do bad bars and magic, something a Wizard is already known for
For frauds you would've thought it was Clone Wars
But this cold corpse holds no frost like old forts
Wait, pause
You said you had a Fiesta from '83 that got you from A to B
He never got to see/C his missus...she was always busy taking D

[Dialect]
That Polish bitch was on a date with me
So tell her next time she wants to make a scene
I'll pull out the python and she'll get beat with the lights on
That's [?]
But fuck it, that's make believe
Cause you know what I'm on and that's making beats
More than just blazing cheese and being that gangsta you fakes say I claim to be
When it comes to the music, there's no one fucking thing you can say to me
So if you don't think it's grime kids behind bars, you must be Crazy T]

[Zen]
So I suggest you start taking heat
Me and Dialect, we've been on it from Channel U
Now these battle dudes think they can judge me for my attitude
But I bring a tool that'll blow out your back like a parachute

[Dialect]
I'm a savage dude, fuck a placid mood
I'll have Adam spazzing when I smack him out his [?] shoes
Fuck clapping tools I'd rather grab this dude
Then have him [?] in this massive room
And after I leave him black and blue
You'll see [?] ooze out of his bandage wounds

[Zen]
On some real shit, a lot of these battle guys can't handle truth
Alright, to be real, me and Dialect we're not that gangster
And I doubt that you two are this posh
But on the other hand, you are wankers and we couldn't give a toss
I mean win or loss
We'd have to stand on stage and act like you silly slobs
Sit and plot, up all night to get your gimmicks locked
But y'all living lost trying to give it locks like Tommy [?]

[Dialect]
You see battle rap was never about acting, you guys made it that way
And I ain't saying it should change
But when Two-Can came out, you claimed you were gay
I guess you were just proving that two can play at that game

[Zen]
We all get our fifteen minutes of fame
The only question is whether you ignore your pride for the other 45
Now we've come for ours and I ain't talking time

[Dialect]
So why throw up these west Yorkshire signs direct for the city to form a rise
So why you talking shite?
Cause if the doc can't get your jaw realigned
I'll have this cunt talking like the son of Walter White

[Zen]
We'll be the first to admit you've had an enormous rise
But the fact of the matter is, here's where our career progresses and yours declines
Fuck with us, until the judge gets them all to rise
But I brought a knife to alter guys that's falseful brides

[Dialect]
Nah, nah, fam'
Why you talking like these two ain't the greats
I mean look at all of the views that they gain from all of the music they've made
They've even been on King Of The Dot fam'

[Zen]
What?

[Dialect]
King Of The Dot

[Zen]
Oh, wait, wait, wait
He's on about the time these two tried to make moves in the states
You know when Shuffle T pulled out that peace treaty and got super enraged
Cause these silly dickheads nearly got booed off the stage
Don't scoff at King Of The Dot, you tried making two of us mates
Even brought a peace treaty cause you wanted proof of the names
They looked you straight in your face and screwed up the page
You have him a paper plane, it's only right he threw it away
On some real shit, even if we lose this today
Me and Dialect bro, we ain't threatened inside
Cause you'll just be remembered as guys who were the best at the time
Until Eur' and the rest of Don't Flop left them behind
Kinda like that peace treaty that never got signed

[Round 3: Shuffle T]
I love you dissing us going to America in the title match
Yeah they hated it, that's why we were invited back
And really, "too can play at that game"?
That was the line that you kept?
No honestly, I liked it, the first time it was said

[Marlo]
By Anton Murphy

[Shuffle T]
By Anton Murphy!
Umm, Zeeeen, I'm confused
If you're such a fucking tough guy why don't you fucking punch me?
I've never seen you punch anyone
See he'd like to punch me but I think that he knows how
He'd like to shoot his fist at my cheekbone now
He can't even come through with some kung fu to make me go down
But fuck you I'll punch someone, like Theo

[Marlo]
Ow

[Shuffle T]
I'm sorry mate
But look, he may make you think like he'd hit you but never punch with your fists

[Marlo]
You lot would have more chance seeing Dialect with a gun at his hips that doesn't exist
Cause you bring those guns out in battles, then it's always one that you goon busts
You're a fake G, you do nothing but prove others are true thugs
But you? You're worse cause you look up to this huge cunt
You're in the shadow of that G like the intro to Goosebumps
Look at me when I'm killing you!

[Shuffle T]
Look at him when he's killing you!

[Marlo]
Look at me in this picture too!

[Shuffle T]
Look at him in his living room!

[Marlo]
Look, you think we like pretending to be nice all of the time?
That kind of shit is really fucking boring to write

[Shuffle T]
Fuck this shit
Forget [?] it's time all of you guys saw our less employable side

[Marlo]
Dialect, this is about to be

[Shuffle T]
So real!

[Marlo]
We saw your girl on a game show

[Shuffle T]
No deal!

[Marlo]
And the weird thing is, most battle rappers are punching above their weight
I fucking know I am, and despite his ugly face, Shuffle has dated a couple of 8's
Mos Prob, Enigma, everyone's got a lucky state
Unan' does alright, he's made a lovely cake

[Shuffle T]
Fingaz, Cruger, Soul, it keeps coming it's just worse
I'm sure to your baby mother this must hurt

[Marlo]
But you're not punching above your weight

[Shuffle T]
She's punching above hers
Cause real talk, your'e not a bad looking guy
No, no, no, I don't care
You're so good looking you could be an extra member in Take That
You're so good looking my mum thinks you're hot and she normally hates...
...dads

[Marlo]
Seriously thought, your woman, totally harsh face

[Shuffle T]
Our advice, leave her alone in a dark place

[Marlo]
A more pitiful look than a homeless guitar case

[Shuffle T]
She's a trophy wife? That's a trophy for last place

[Marlo]
And I'm sick of seeing all your emo status's updating us on what your fucking emo status is
One recently just said "Grown man tears"

[Shuffle T]
Ugghh

[Marlo]
Exactly right, that shit made me groan man; cheers
I really want to make sure this isn't an understatement
If you're one of these [?] that runs to Facebook to post an ambiguous public status
With a ridiculous statement
That essentially begs people ask what it actually is that you're fucking saying, like

[S] Some people never learn
[M] Or
{S] Going to be thinking of someone later
[M] Or
[S] Just when you think things are going right the thing that you love is taken

[Marlo]
Kill yourself!
Or at least be like Big J and use the private message more
Cause you are everything wrong with this attention seeking like the weather's forged
And one of the worst cases I see online Dialect, is yours
Anyway, ran over

[Shuffle T]
No, I'd like to vent some more
Now whether it's about spitting frees with Ricky C or how you're on a killing spree
I've gotta stop hearing you brag about your own ability
Like salesman at a business meet showing off they hit this weeks target
That shit is weak and it just doesn't sit with me
Get rid of that big head before I remove it with a guillotine
There is a reason him and me don't show off on our Twitter feed
Arrogance is characters
In battles you can blow smoke about yourself like nicotine
But fuck doing that outside it, have some fucking dignity
If you're respected in the scene, here in Leeds
Let the stats and then the facts says they rate your lyrically
Don't go on Facebook claiming you're God's gift to me
It's not your fucking place to say, have some fucking humility

[Marlo]
And just cause you went on Deal Or No Deal and didn't only come up with five pence
Doesn't mean you haven't quit as a runner of Scar yet

[Shuffle T]
Stop bitching behind people's back about the money you'd like Zen
Maybe if you actually wrote instead of just rebuttaling lines then
You could chuck in a price next

[Marlo]
High Rise sounds like a clothing line peacocks
Shut up and die Zen, your best battle is Bleek and your face is as ugly as my head

[Shuffle T]
We could dodge your best punches with a couple of side steps
Cause we're those motherfuckers

[Marlo]
The Chuckle Brothers

[Shuffle T]
Here to fuck up your Grime set
So have no fear, the lanky weird champs are here

[Marlo]
You are not a proper team, only one of you has a rap career

[Shuffle T]
You don't even write together, that is clear as cavalier

[Marlo]
Where as our prep game is southwest trains for three hours then praying we can crank the gears and make a clash appear

[Shuffle T]
And when we run this shit, it's a whole different atmosphere

[Marlo]
When we have ideas, it's not a light bulb that appears it's a chandelier

[Shuffle T]
And we're humble as fuck!
And whiter than Santa's beard

[Marlo]
We'll fucking clap and cheer the fans in here
And hand out free shit like, here, have a beer

[Shuffle T]
How old are you? You're 19! Get outta here!
Best doubles in the country?

[Marlo]
Whatever

[Shuffle T]
If that's true, cheers
All we know is we climbed this mountain here and we brought our fucking camping gear

[Marlo]
That sounds gay, it's not gay

[Shuffle T]
Let's fucking go! Time!