[Verse 1: Oshea]
Listen, bars right, bars
Calcium Kid, your nan is a flid
Bitch be doggy-paddling when she having a swim
All jokes, fuck bars, I ain’t rapping for shit
If I have an accident on the way home: crash in a whip
If you have an accident on the way home, you’re gonna have to abandon a ship
Lad, I hate you wooly back pricks
I’m Oshea, heavy hitter
Got shit locked like Regi Blinker
I’m a blue nose, very bitter
We’re both funny but I’m Richard Richard and you’re, Eddie Hitler
Lad, what sandwiches do you do?
He’s from Birkenhead, where every day, episode of Jеrry Springer
I’m from Liverpool wherе we’ve said ‘ay’, more times than Henry Winkler
Yeah, Oshea, I sell stripes to gremlins like Stripe from Gremlins
I snort stripes meself that cause fights with gremlins
Lad, this battle’s one-way traffic, all Oshea G
Fuck you, Pete Price, and fuck Paul O’Grady
Lad, you look like a motherfucking porno baby
Fuck you, Pete Price, and fuck Paul O’Grady
Lad, you’re so slim but you’re no Shady
Yeah yeah lad, you get the idea
See, these Birkenhead man, all talk a tough game, but the difference is, we live it
And I know you’re not Scouse, but to everyone who’s not from Liverpool you are, so deal with it
This is him, this is him
‘Yo man, yo man, man, I’m a free spirit, man
I’m a free spirit, I drink food and I eat Guinness
Man, man, I’m such a free spirit I actually turned up to the battle today with free spirits
Yeah?’ No
Lad, fuck your weak cheap lyrics and your cheesy gimmicks
I’ll force-feed this vegetarian cunt three beef dinners
Lad, Calcium Kid, the guy’s a prick
It’s basic instinct the way I’ll stab him to death with a fucking icepick
Lad, I got those Sniper E type of bars, ‘cause I’m sick
Man’ll clap man’s wig like…..nice wig
Listen, and I been lying to you Jason, I been lying to you
But today, I’ma tell you the truth, and that shit’s for free
You know when I said my son wrote ‘Calcium Kid’s a prick' on that pic? It was me
Fuck him, lad, where’s your fucking God now?
Man’ll get knocked out
Lad, if you wanna hear a rapper with jokes like Tony said, pop ‘round to Doc Brown’s
Lad, imagine a firm of lads from Liverpool, walking down the street, stopping in their tracks, like ‘oh hell, dear lord
Here come the Wirral boys, from Ellesmere Port
Lad, with a name like Calcium Kid
I’m surprised Decoy hasn’t shagged you and shit
Been up in your inboxes tryna blag you and shit
But you’re such a nice guy you’d probably say thank you and shit
Yeah, see I ain’t came to this battle with clever writtens
I came to perform a fucking exorcism
Your style is so Tranmere, you are never winning
Lad, they are never winning
Fuck you, fuck Jason Koumas, and fuck Eric Nixon
[Verse 1: The Calcium Kid]
Yo, you said that you wrote that, I could tell by the grammar, by the way
Just thought I’d throw that out there like
‘Calcium Kid is a prick’, just gonna put that out there
I’m down to bet my last bluey on a dead horse to come last
Yo, I’ll snuff-jab Paul McCartney’s autobiography out the book rack
When I get shushed in the library, I shush back
I’m spitting back at deep-fried cooking fat
Stick to huffing smack, by the way, what is your left eye looking at?
You could be having a lovely chat while checking a running tap on a bubble bath
I’m such a wooly back, I’ll put money that, 2Pac is coming back
And I put that on my ‘thug life’ tummy tat
‘Cause I’ve got one, fuck white people
I’ll have Stowaway’s Glocks waving
I’m such a gangster I own the dark blues in Monopoly, when I’m not playing
I’m not playing, I’m down to make a bad impression
Bruv I stabbed my sifu on my first karate lesson to combat the tension with a smack injection
Someone tell Jack from Tekken I’m gonna smash his head in ‘cause Ben Affleck didn’t die in the end of Armageddon
You repeat stuff, you repeat stuff, you repeat stuff, quit quit stop it stop it
If I repeat stuff it’s ‘cause I pick pickpockets’ pockets
You’re great

[Verse 2: Oshea]
Listen I’m gonna freestyle this flip
I see whales and I eat, snails, on a random fucking something else tip: your bars
Don’t have a clue what you’re going on about lad
I don’t know, I do not know, I don’t know
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Calcium Kid, your nan is a flid
Bitch wipe her pussy with her mouth when she having a piss
You need to stop chatting your shit, and be more careful
Or I’ll spin you on your head like a b-boy circle
And have you slowly, walking away from your life like Decoy’s turtle
In fact, the only thing I wanna see more, than a fucking bomb over Birkenhead
Is to find out online that Decoy raped it, and that turtle’s dead
I’ll merk a bredda, I’ll stab a kid up like he live on fucking Elm Street
This guy will give up his seat for ya’ on the bus, when every other fucking seat on the bus is empty
He is that nice
You are so nice, that shit is gotta stop son
You’re so nice every event you offer me a spliff, and you haven’t even got one
But what he has got is guard dogs, and guard dogs that guard the guard dogs
Well guess what lad, I’ve got guard dogs that guard two extraordinarily large frogs
The reason, these two guard dogs, guard these large frogs is ‘cause if these large frogs get loose they’re gonna kick shit out of your guard dogs
If that does not get on Bad Bars, I do not know what will
Don’t you tell Osh to chill
I’m one step ahead check the photo stills
Fuck a crew battle, I got solo skills
I‘ll put a bounty on your head, just to help out Han Solo’s bills
I‘d tell this faggot suck it, but this homo will
This guy is so racist, if Willzy jumped in the battle he’d say ‘Kolo, chill’
Same for Azzie G
I’ll batter this prick, the Calcium Kid
I’ll shatter his ribs with a jab of the fist
Lad you’re so mentally unstable, fragile and thin
I actually feel bad having to win
This guy, blames every bad performance that he has, on the fact that he’s hypoglycemic
In the words of Victor Meldrew, I do not believe it
I don’t believe it- ‘I do not’, I fucked that up badly
Got the saying wrong
And these next few bars, aren’t scientifically proven, but they are to me
If you’ve got low blood sugar levels, you is gay
‘Cause it’s bad news when your life support machine, is Lucozade
I know hypoglycemia’s not contagious but, move away
I have a bottle of Luco when I’m sick, you have 22 a day
Your talk’s cheap, one punch will knock out four teeth
You’re such a wooly back, you’re a warm fleece
Freestyle shit’s coming now
I’m better than you at everything, lad, give me a recipe and I’ll cook it for ya’
You’re the chosen wool, the golden one, Jason and the Argonauts are looking for ya’
Cashmore is the only person that got that bar, and, I don’t know what’s worse
The fact that they’re shit, or they’re not even Converse
Oh they are, shit
I genuinely did not see it on the inside
Sorry man, they’re fake, where’s the one on the outside?
I did not see that
Go ahead, sorry man sorry
[Verse 2: The Calcium Kid]
I was gonna take the entire family the beach, but that plan’s cancelled
‘Cause if we’re here, who’s guarding our sandcastles?
No one, no one, that’s a fact
I don’t battle ‘cause I don’t give enough
We all want different stuff, for instance you want a bigger cup to put liquor bruv
I wanna marry one of the Olsen twins and split them up
You simple cunt, you look like Alex Ferguson’s kidney bruv and that isn’t good
You look like you can tell if a chicken’s cooked from a finger touch
You look like before you eat ribs you limber up
You look like you’re stockpiling for the winter months
Bruv, you look like you don’t drink enough
That last one was a lie
I bet you butter both sides of your toast
You don’t need to hold a knife to my throat for me to tell you my life is a joke
Bruv, all of my messenger pigeons have died in the post
People call me crazy, so I set fire to those and got high off the smoke
I’ll overdose and die from a stroke and dig myself out a grave to find the remote to turn your track off
Hats off, in that Eek drops I’m pretty sure you had a crack rock
And I had to physically stop him from eating it, twice
Catch Oshea cooking crack, with garlic and thyme
You spend half of your time tryna remember what happened the other half of your time
And I didn’t say that bar ‘cause it rhymed
In Leeds, you got so drunk you tried to dial out on an xylophone and got a dialing tone
Have fun drunk driving home
Bruv, do you still wrestle?
Do you remember your skill level?
Do you remember cheering for Phil Neville?
‘Cause someday the dust will settle and you’ll remember you cheered for Phil Neville
[Verse 3: Oshea]
Fucking with Oshea, this man’s high
You said I butter both sides of me toast, I do, and the sides
You beating Oshea? I fucking doubt it
The other half of his trousers he wears with another outfit
And snip them motherfuckers
I’ll freestyle this shit, you know Oshea’s got this
You’re not sick, I’m an Everton fan, I’ve cheered Phil Neville you’ve cheered fucking John Aldridge
He’s a fucking bellend you’s all are, Everton all day fuck Liverpool ya’ twat
But everybody likes Calcium Kid, be serious
But can I tell you all a story, just to reiterate how stupid this dickhead actually is
A couple of years ago, we were doing a gig around the corner at Django’s Riff
It was one of Mac’s nights it was scratch and spit
Calcium turns up, two bags of weed and a massive spliff
We’re having a great time, we’re outside smoking, joking, having a laugh and shit
Then down the road in the distance, we spot the pigs right, sniffer dog in tow
So Calcium cleverly, drops the spliff
The only problem is, he’s been smoking, and he’s got two bags in his pockets, and they proper stink
So I’m thinking what you’re all thinking: he’s gotta chip, drop it quick
That’s what we’d all do innit? Not this prick
He walked over to the bizzie and said ‘Officer, that dog is sick’
So, by this time this dog, is going fucking crazy, it’s snarling growling barking, jumping all over him
And guess what mister MC Oblivious Dickhead does? Starts stroking him
So by this time this bizzie has got a smile, from ear to ear
In fact it was even bigger, it was from like here to here
He just thinks Calcium’s taking the piss, so, he puts his hands in cuffs, cuffs his hands
And as my man’s getting led away, to the fucking van
Guess what he screams? ‘Officer, you don’t understand, dogs love me man’
So, a couple of hours later, he’s been charged and that
And he comes back on that whole ‘the fucking system man
The fucking pigs, they always gone too far, they always just go too far’
He’s like, ‘they’re all knobheads’, no, you are
You stroked a sniffer dog, with a pocket full of skunk
What a fucking cunt
I don’t know, what the fuck you been smoking
But fuck you- I‘m joking
If there’s a fat man, who’s got big tits, you bum gays’ breasts
Start coming to battles dressed in your fucking Sunday’s best

[Verse 3: The Calcium Kid]
Fuck this battle, here are a list of words of why I should fight Chris de Burgh:
Enthusiasm
Stick to sniffing paint thinner on your eighth bitter before you make dinner, for the family
I’ll come with 11 tabby cats sitting on a right cross
With tonight’s guap I might put go-faster stripes on my bike shop but that would involve buying a bike shop so I might not
I’ll knock ya’ lights out and tell my nan you left the hall light on
‘Cause she hates that, again, she fucking hates that
I chew truffles
I hang out in the park harassing cute couples with bruised knuckles
Let me know if I’m too subtle
Yours truly, bruv I’ll break ya’ leg and show up in A&E dressed like George Clooney like ‘talk to me’
I’ll do that as well
If I set fire to a wicker man filled with a sacrificial lamb
You’d climb inside and eat it as fastest that you can
And that’s a fact, it’s free lamb lads
Shut the fuck up you shit cunt
John Aldridge would kick the shit out of Big Dunc
Who’s on drugs?
I’m tryna win the Tour de France on foot
I’ll knock Everton out the League Cup with one punch
I don’t know why, not gonna lie