Oh my wife is tall and short
She won't do what she ought
She never lies, but then again
She lies down all day long

Oh
My wife is fat and thin
She's generous and mean
She's –––––, and
Her secret's safe with me

Oh
My wife is old and young
So sweet with her poison tongue
On her evenings off she blackmails toffs
But her secret's safe with me

Oh
My wife is tall and short
She hangs out down the port
Says "Hello sailor, how's your dad?"
But her secret's safe with me

Oh
My wife is sour and sweet
She dit dit dit delete
She's lalala ladida, butter
Secret's safe with me