[Verse 1]
Couple of guys, sitting around drinking
Down at the Starlight Bar
One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking"
Other one says, "That won't get you too far"
He says, "This is your life, and welcome to it
It's just working and drinking and dreams
Ad on TV says "Just Do It"
Hell if I know what that means"

[Chorus]
The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
The secret of life is a beautiful woman
And Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall

[Verse 2]
"You and me, we're just a couple of zeros
Just a couple of down-and-outs
But movie stars and football heroes
What have they got to be unhappy about?"
So they turn to the bartender, "Sam, what do you think?
What's the key that unlocks that door?"
Sam don't say nothing, just wipes off the bar
And he pours them a couple more
[Chorus]
'Cause the secret of life is in Sam's martinis
The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes
The secret of life is in Monday Night Football
Rolling Stones records and Mom's apple pie

[Verse 3]
Sam looks up from his Sunday paper
Says, "Boys, you're on the wrong track
The secret of life is there ain't no secret
And you don't get your money back"
Hey

[Chorus]
The secret of life is getting up early
The secret of life is staying up late
The secret of life is try not to hurry
But don't wait
Don't wait

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
The secret of life is to find the right woman
The secret of life is nothing at all
Oh, it's nothing at all
The secret of life
[Outro]
Couple of guys, sitting around drinking
Down at the Starlight Bar
One of them says, "You know I've been thinking"
Other one says, "That won't get you too far"
"That won't get you too far"