[Intro]
Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost its wheel
*scratch* And the Joker fucked your mom!

[Verse 1]
Right in the ass
Hey, hey, little girls and boys
What's on your list for this year?
Teddy bears and lots of gifts
Well too fucking bad you greedy little bitch!
You're getting razorblades
Stockings of hand grenades
And in your sleep tonight
I'm gonna cum on your face!

[Chorus]
You're not getting anything for Christmas, you fucking whore
The milk was sour and the cookies sucked
So thanks for nothing, you fucking cunt
You're not getting anything for Christmas. you fucking whore
Santa's pissed and he's taking names, and you're first in line

[Break]
(Later we'll have some fucking pie, and we'll do some caroling)
[Chris Motionless and "Peter Griffin"]
Put that cookie down
Put that cookie down, motherfucker!
"As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living."

[Refrain]
Santa's pissed and he's coming to town
Santa's pissed and he's coming to town
He's taking names and he's throwing down

[Interlude]
Wicked witch of president sleep
You smell like you're not going to see what you want to see
Big brother's gonna shove it up your ass
1,000 oinks scratching at the field amount of dignity
You said you’d always love meat, you’ll see what gravity or anti-gravity can sleet
Preacher says you ought to get the fuck out of the way
That’s when he looked at Duke, Spotsburg, he saw excitement
With the dancing, you love dashing, you like that prancing, Dixon
You hate Comet, you hate Cupid, fucking Donner and Blitzen
What did you expect, gotta go harder, bitch
You fucking Donner go hug a fucking light switch
Some people never thought that coppers would run out
Go save your breath and send Santa back to the slut house

[Verse 2]
5 - severed heads in a box
4 - bitches on my cock
3 - beds of nails
2 - bullets
1 - gun
[Breakdown]
Broken candycanes
Stockings of coal and bad grades
You better watch out

[Bridge]
(Bend ya ova, I'ma lube ya up, gonna stick that tree right up yo' ass)

[Chorus]
You're not getting anything for Christmas, you fucking whore
The milk was sour and the cookies sucked
So thanks for nothing, you fucking cunt
You're not getting anything for Christmas, you fucking whore
Santa's pissed and he's taking names, and you're first in line
Bitch!

[Outro]
Merry Christmas, you filthy animal