[Verse 1]
If I was a liberal, I'd find a way somehow
To make man think he created God, and not the other way around
And what you'd see on TV, would seem like the gospel truth
And I'd make right look so wrong, I'd make wrong look so cool
Hey, anything to keep you on my level
If I was a liberal

[Verse 2]
And if I was a liberal, everyone would just see color
And I'd take all religions, and I'd turn them against each other
I'd sit back and I'd love, and I'd watch you fuel the hate
And I'd light fires on the evenin' news and let you fan my flames
Hey, anything to keep you out of heaven
If I was a liberal

[Chorus]
And I'd just keep on doin' what I'm doin'
'Cause what I'm doin' surе is workin' out
And if you don't believe mе I could prove it
Hey, all you need to do is look around
Yeah, I'd be thinkin' things just can't get better
If I was a liberal

[Chorus]
And I'd just keep on doin' what I'm doin'
'Cause what I'm doin' sure is workin' out
And if you don't believe me I could prove it
Hey, all you need to do is look around
Hell, I'd be thinkin' things just can't get better
If I was a liberal
[Verse 3]
So if I was a liberal, when all is said and done
I'd be the pussy that I am and I'd tuck my tail and run
I'll hide out in my darkness, destined to regret
'Cause if I was Pelosi, hell, I'd be scared to death