The girls are on the beach in their string bikinis
The guys are strutting, proudly showing off their weenies
Top 40 garbage spewing from expensive radios
As they primp their pampered bodies
And put schnozz-guard on their nose

This ain't Hawaii
This ain't Hawaii
This ain't Hawaii

Prep school blondes and musclemen with perfect heinies
There's more money on this beach than all the tea in China
The girls all look like Nancy Drew, the boys like Jim McMahon
Their fat, white, ugly parents look like Morey Amsterdam

This ain't Hawaii
This ain't Hawaii
This ain't Hawaii

[Drum break]

In droves they hit the beach in Porches and Ferraris
The sun has cooked their brain, they're on a surf safari
The lake is full of creepy snobs, I start to get annoyed
This isn't Honolulu, dummy, this is Illinois
This ain't Hawaii
This ain't Hawaii
This ain't Hawaii

They're surfing in Wilmette
They're surfing in Wilmette
They're surfing in Wilmette
They're surfing in Wilmette