Don't you see that people
Will like you for who you are?
'Cause life is like a sitcom, a senior prom
And I'm OK, and you're OK
Grade A, 10-4, roger, over and out
Listen up, check it out

There's something ugly inside of you, inside of you
There's a big empty hole there inside of you, inside of you
There's something creepy crawling on your brain
There's something in you
It's red, white, and blue inside of you

As long as you don't have lots of zits or small tits
Or crooked teeth
Then you won't be a freak, a wildebeest
And people won't tape signs onto your back
Or beat the crap out of you
Or ignore your sorry ass

See, there's something vapid inside of you, inside of you
There's a sweet little robot inside of you, inside of you
So take off that silly mustache
Don't be a baby
There's a Pete Brady inside of you
Inside of you
Inside of you
Inside of you

[Spoken]
Boy, I've really learned a lot today

(One) You act your age
(Two) You don't try to be something you're not
(Three) You find out in advance
What restaurant your mom and dad are going to
And go someplace else

Go someplace else
Go someplace else
Go someplace else