You'll get your riboflavin any way that you can
Six Ho Hoes in your mouth and eight Ding Dongs in your hand
When you slip into a peaceful nighttime snooze
Be sure to lock the door so the Twinkies won't get you

They're comin' after you
They're gettin' back at you
Twinkie warfare

You left a Twinkie on the counter on a rainy Friday night
It mutated. and it touched you and ripped off both of your eyes
Your junk food ain't taking any more bites from you
Maybe learn a lesson and eat some real food

They're comin' after you
They're gettin' back at you
Twinkie warfare

Twelve more Ho Hoes, an ice cream bar, a full-sized Nestlé Crunch
Chips Ahoy, and Oreos with jam, and Hawaiian Punch
Why do you think we look the way we do?
Punk rock junk food junkies, we're the Weasel crew

They're comin' after you
They're gettin' back at you
Twinkie warfare