I bought a candelabra made of glass from Petticoat Lane
It cost twice as much as usual, but I did not complain
I walked back to our cold water flat in the pouring rain
But the wrapping got ruined and the glass looked stained
And the tree I picked up cheap shed its needles down the drain

Now everybody’s talking about the kisses and the hugs
And all the little heartstrings that the festive season tugs
But all I see are lager louts, shoplifters and thugs
So fill mine up, ’cause Christmas is for mugs

I took a bus to Camden Town, began to shop around
I looked for some new sex shop that I read of in Time Out
I bought a gadget that the man said would make you scream and shout
But it didn’t come with batteries and we could not find the spout
Like so many Christmas presents, we threw it out

Now everybody’s talking about the kisses and the hugs
And all the little heartstrings that the festive season tugs
But all I see are lager louts, shoplifters and thugs
So fill mine up, ’cause Christmas is for mugs
Yes it is

Now all the crêpe and tinsel is left lying on the floor
And the wreath we hung up weeks ago is rotting on the door
And I’d like to punch the lights out of that crooked tree vendor
If I saw Saint Nick tonight, there’d be a scene of gore
I’d throw a match into the fire and make the chimney roar
Now everybody’s talking about the kisses and the hugs
And all the little heartstrings that the festive season tugs
But all I see are lager louts, shoplifters and thugs
So fill mine up, ’cause Christmas is for mugs
So fill mine up, ’cause Christmas is for mugs
So fill mine up, ’cause Christmas is for mugs