I might be your babysitter
I might be your funky clown
Father Christmas in midsummer
Tell you stories when you're down

I might be your homosexual
Lay you down in Amsterdam
Squirt you with my waterpistol
All over Tinseltown
In Vegas we're outrageous
Dancing in my hologram
In my hotel room we're famous
Baby that's the masterplan

Death Valley I will rock you
Tickle you with a crocodile rag
And in disco 3D
Make you smile cos that's my bag

But one thing I'll never be, I'll
Guarantee that's not my style
I will never, pretty baby
Be your funky pedophile

I don't think you're just a minor
I won't treat you like a kid
A person is a person, good or bad, small or big
I wanna be your extraterrestrial
Sex-electric kissogram
Funny uncle or headmaster
Baby that's the masterplan
Coca-Cola, marijuana
Anything you want, just ask
Tabloid papers, discoteca
Polaroid photographs
But one thing I guarantee for I am a decent man
I'll never lose my moral compass
I've drawn the lines in the sand
I might be your babysitter
I might be your funky clown
Father Christmas in midsummer
Tell you stories when you're down
But one thing I'll never be, I'll
Guarantee that's not my style
I will never, pretty baby
Be your funky pedophile