I say the opposite of what I say
They call me Mr Consistency

I climb to the bottom of the top of the hill
And I open my shirt cos I felt a chill
Well I walk on the ceiling and my hair is grey
And I love the girls so I must be gay
I'm incredible, baby I am a dwarf
And I walk so tall that I touch the earth

You're beautiful and you know that girl
You're the ugliest girl in the whole wide world

I say the opposite of what I say
They call me Mr Consistency
I'm an intelligent guy and I hope to find
Some fool who'll overestimate my mind

And you're the most fun I have ever had
Every minute with you is a drag, drag, drag
And you're beautiful, baby you're so young
With your hair so grey and your life so done

And I want to make a move so I make to leave
Going to catch the last train so make a bed for me
Consistency, I think you'll find
Is the hobgoblin of small minds
Well I hope it's not long till you take my ring
Baby how long is a piece of string
But you're beautiful and a one-off too
There's an army out there baby just like you

You're so beautiful that I'm sorry for you
And I hope I don't mean what I really do
I'm a Rum-Tum-Tugger and a human being
With one eye blind and one eye seeing
Well you can walk through the world and walk through the sea
But you'll never not find a girl like me
Before and after, chalk and cheese
They all look the same when you're on your knees
My words are slippy like a snake of soap
On a rope of hope, I'm strong as oak
I have no side, I tell no lie, cos I am such a sketchy guy
I've got a head for heights so I don't look down
And I love this town so I hate this town
And I wish you well cos I hear you died
You're hot as hell you frigid dyke
You're beautiful and here you lie
Too dead to live, too cold to die

Well I like to have a drink so I'm giving it up
And I want to eat so I'm throwing up
And I want you now and I want you here
Baby some other time, maybe next year
I say the opposite of what I say
They call me Mr Consistency