[Verse 1]
I love women, but I'm thinking of giving in
I love women, but what's the point in arguing?
With the men from boarding schools and building sites
Who've told me I'm a homosexual all my life
One stop past Warringah and the coughs begin
Hell hath no fury like an insecure Australian
You don't need psychoanalysts to translate this
There is an open homosexual in our midst

[Chorus]
The homosexual, they call me, it's all the same to me
That specter they projected, I will now pretend to be
Since their neurosis is what passes for normality
It's okay with me if I'm queer
Since their tone deafness is called the love of music
I won't disabuse them, I'll make love with their women
I'll make them sing notes of pleasure
Their boyfriends will never hear

[Verse 2]
I love women, but I take them by surprise
Pretending absolute indifference to their breasts and thighs
Like the hairdressers and dressmakers, I hear confessionals
Reserved for homosexual professionals
As I put their feet in stirrups with my limp wrist
A trick I learned from a homosexual gynecologist
I recall the words my first girlfriend ended our first date with
"I feel privileged you chose me to go straight with"
[Chorus]
The homosexual, they call me, it's all the same to me
That specter they projected, I will now pretend to be
Since their neurosis is what passes for normality
It's okay with me if I'm queer
Since their tone deafness is called the love of music
I won't disabuse them, I'll make love with their women
I'll make them sing notes of pleasure
Their husbands will never hear

[Bridge]
You who called me teapot, who played me with your bile
Guess who I've got coming to the boil?
Why not grab the nettle?
I'll settle for being the kettle if you're the pot
I take my tea like my revenge, sweet and hot

[Chorus]
The homosexual, you call me, it's all the same to me
That specter you're projecting, I now pretend to be
Since your neurosis is what passes for normality
It's okay with me if I'm queer
Since your tone deafness is called the love of music
I won't disabuse you, I'll make love with your women
I'll make them sing notes of pleasure
That you will never hear, never in a million years
No fear