Da-ba-di di-da

Sometimes it occurs to us, the great entertainers
As we beam toward the parlors of the halt and the lame
That we're really nothing more than the keepers of the war
These are political prisoners in all but name

A third of us are suffering from boredom and bulimia
The sheperds fall asleep while entertaining their sheep
Two-thirds die of anorexia nervosa
Behind Robert Redford and Meryl Streep

Wе may bore you with girls
We may bore you with nеws
There's a choice of viewing now
On channel one and channel two
We may bore you with a car chase
Or the birth of the blues
But we say
No spitting on the board
But we say
No spitting on the board
Because they give their lives so we can afford
The Modigliani and the red Ferrari
And the Filipino
We trust with a key
To dust the TV
That we never see
Da-ba-di di-da

We interrupt this program for an urgent announcement
Reports are coming in of a decisive attack
Mounted by the enemies of great entertainment:
Creation, conversation and a paperback

Down at Shepherd's Bush we've got the world as it ought to be
Ten actors, seven colours and two repeats
A family drama stands your family
EastEnders clears the streets

We may bore you to tears
We may bore you to death
Boy, you're blue in the face
And short of breath
We may bore the spirit
And we may bore the flesh
But we say
No spitting on the board
But we say
No spitting on the board
Because they give their lives so we can afford
The Modigliani and the red Ferrari
And the Filipino
We trust with a key
To dust the TV
That we never see
Da-ba-di di-da

Breathe in smiles, we're such affable anarchists
With uptown laughter and watered-down jazz
But behind our professionally offhand manner
There's desperate envy and the razzamatazz

A brother and a sister
Once smashed a mirror
And the splinters of glass pierced the brother's eyes
That same day we erected transmitters
And instead of sympathising we just televised

We may bore you stupid
We may bore you stiff
Boy, you're blind as a bat
Behind your dyed blonde quiff
You're staring out the horse's mouth
Bang in the gift
But we say
No spitting on the board
But we say
No spitting on the board
Because we give their lives so they can afford
Dad's Army, This is the Life
Iclaudius, Run for your Wife
Come on down, Winner Takes All
Dallas and Dynasty, Celebrity Golf
Star Trek and Brookside and Top of the Pops
And all those other dumb but friendly and likable cops
Corrie akimbo, one day you'll see
A nation of servants
Set themselves free