Welcome to club thirteen
All the usual suspects are acting weird
The bartenders can't be bothered
But we're all glad you're here
The door guy's got an attitude
The disco light's obscene
The crowd is sometimes rude
Welcome to club thirteen

Tonight we're gonna be entertained
By our favorite Foghat cover band
And radio Tokyo
Playing "Sweet Home Afghanistan"
Welcome to club thirteen
Penny beer and cheap cocaine
Girls warmеd up by tanning beds
Orphans left out in the rain

Sidеwinder's in spandex
The parking lot is packed
Everyone is waiting outside
Meanwhile Adam's house cat
Is the opening act
Train songs and people who died
Train songs and people who died
Welcome to club thirteen
We'll be back same time next year
To play you all our pretty songs
'Til they drag us out of here
Maybe we'll be horse farm drunk
Maybe we'll act out obscene
Muscle Shoals just needs some punk
Welcome to club thirteen

Welcome to club thirteen
Our glory days did kinda suck
Everyone needs a friend
Everyone needs a fuck
When we come this way again
Notify our next of kin
We'll smell of weed and gasoline
Welcome to club thirteen
We'll smell of weed and gasoline
Welcome to club thirteen