[Intro: Jesse]
One, two, one, two, three, four...

[Verse 1: Jesse]
Well I can't tell if I'm shaking from the DTs or the cold
By the way I'm feeling shitty man, this routine's getting old

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Verse 2: Jesse]
Well I wake up suffocating cause my lungs are filled with tar
I've wasted far too many hours blacked out at the bar

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Verse 3: Whitney]
Well I feel so distant from a life I wanted years ago
Torn between this road I'm on and where I called a home

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Verse 4: Whitney]
Chained down to a city, to a lover, to a bed
A door has swung right open, I'll just ste' outta here instead
[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Chorus]
I'm self-destructive, no one can save me
You asked me if I love you, I said: "maybe"
Why would you love me? You should learn to hate me
I'm going nowhere fast... (Trumpet part one of three!)

[Break]

[Verse 5: Whitney]
Well, you know I'm feeling guilty cause I never seem to call
Even though I'm far away, this world just seems so small

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Verse 6: Whitney]
Bitchin' I am broke but I still have money for this beer
The letters that I wrote to you, you can't see them from here

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?
(The Weasel Baby everybody!)
[Verse 7: Geoff]
Standing out, make a paper's penny, and maybe a bit more
My friends far away are the best things that I've got in store

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Verse 8: Geoff]
Driving down the interstate, going way too goddamn fast
A few more hours, we'll be crashing, then later on we'll laugh

[Bridge: Jesse & Whitney]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?
(We The Heathens!)

[Verse 9: We The Heathens]
All we've had for days on end is liquor, beer, and speed
Don't know what we're doing, but we think we need to eat

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?
([?])

[Verse 10: Crowd Verse]
[?]
[?]
We're eastbound on the highway, my friend's broke in Virginia
I've been drinking til I pass out, smoking crack with the RZA!
[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why do I do this to myself?

[Chorus]
I'm self-destructive, no one can save me
You asked me if I love you, I said: "maybe"
Why would you love me? You should learn to hate me
I'm going nowhere fast... (Trumpet part two of three)

[Break]

[Verse 11: Whitney & Jesse]
Well I'm running from my problems, to my problems I ignore
Nevermind my absent mind, fuck what I'm running for

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Verse 12: Whitney & Jesse]
Well, we traveled to New London and got laid out on the floor
Fuck being nice, I swear I will not be nice anymore!

[Bridge]
Why do I do this? Why?! Why do I do this to myself?

[Chorus]
I'm self-destructive, no one can save me
You asked me if I love you, I said: "maybe"
Why would you love me? You should learn to hate me
I'm going nowhere fast...(Last trumpet part!)

[Break]

[Interlude]
I'm self-destructive, no one can save me
You asked me if I love you, I said: "maybe"
Why would you love me? You should learn to hate me
I'm going nowhere fast...

[Outro]
Yeah! (Mom and dad don't know everything!)
Oh boy (Do it again? No?)