ARGANTE, SCAPIN, SILVESTRE

(at the further part of thestage).

ARG
(thinking himself alone). Did anyone ever hear of such an action?

SCA
(to SILVESTRE). He has already heard of the affair, and is so struck by it that, although alone, he speaks aloud about it.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). Such a bold thing to do.

SCA
(to SILVESTRE). Let us listen to him.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). I should like to know what they can say to me about this fine marriage.

SCA
(aside). We have it all ready.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). Will they try to deny it?

SCA
(aside). No: we have no thought of doing so.
ARG
(thinking himself alone). Or will they undertake to excuse it?

SCA
(aside). That may be.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). Do they intend to deceive me with impertinent stories?

SCA
(aside). May be.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). All they can say will be useless.

SCA
We shall see.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). They will not take me in.

SCA
(aside). I don't know that.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). I shall know how to put my rascal of a son in a safe place.
SCA
(aside). We shall see about that.

ARG
(thinking himself alone). And as for that rascal Silvestre, I will cudgel him soundly.

SIL
(to SCAPIN). I should have been very much astonished if he had forgotten me.

ARG
(seeing SILVESTRE). Ah, ah! here you are, most wise governor of a family, fine director of young people!

SCA
Sir, I am delighted to see you back.

ARG
Good morning, Scapin. (To SILVESTRE) You have really followed my orders in a fine manner, and my son has behaved splendidly.

SCA
You are quite well, I see.

ARG
Pretty well. (To SILVESTRE) You don't say a word, you rascal!

SCA
Have you had a pleasant journey?
ARG
Yes, yes, very good. Leave me alone a little to scold this villain!

SCA
You want to scold?

ARG
Yes, I wish to scold.

SCA
But whom, Sir?

ARG
(Pointing to SILVESTRE). This scoundrel!

SCA
Why?

ARG
Have you not heard what has taken place during my absence?

SCA
Yes, I have heard some trifling thing.

ARG
How! Some trifling thing! Such an action as this?

SCA
You are about right.

ARG
Such a daring thing to do!

SCA
That's quite true.

ARG
To marry without his father's consent!

SCA
Yes, there is something to be said against it, but my opinion is that you should make no fuss about it.

ARG
This is your opinion, but not mine; and I will make as much fuss as I please. What! do you not think that I have every reason to be angry?

SCA
Quite so. I was angry myself when I first heard it; and I so far felt interested in your behalf that I rated your son well. Just ask him the fine sermons I gave him, and how I lectured him about the little respect he showed his father, whose very footsteps he ought to kiss. You could not yourself talk better to him. But what of that? I submitted to reason, and considered that, after all, he had done nothing so dreadful.

ARG
What are you telling me? He has done nothing so dreadful? When he goes and marries straight off a perfect stranger?

SCA
What can one do? he was urged to it by his destiny.

ARG
Oh, oh! You give me there a fine reason. One has nothing better to do now than to commit the greatest crime imaginable—to cheat, steal, and murder—and give for an excuse that we were urged to it by destiny.

SCA
Ah me! You take my words too much like a philosopher. I mean to say that he was fatally engaged in this affair.

ARG
And why did he engage in it?

SCA
Do you expect him to be as wise as you are? Can you put an old head on young shoulders, and expect young people to have all the prudence necessary to do nothing but what is reasonable? Just look at our Léandre, who, in spite of all my lessons, has done even worse than that. I should like to know whether you yourself were not young once, and have not played as many pranks as others? I have heard say that you were a sad fellow in your time, that you played the gallant among the most gallant of those days, and that you never gave in until you had gained your point.

ARG
It is true, I grant it; but I always confined myself to gallantry, and never went so far as to do what he has done.

SCA
But what was he to do? He sees a young person who wishes him well; for he inherits it from you that all women love him. He thinks her charming, goes to see her, makes love to her, sighs as lovers sigh, and does the passionate swain. She yields to his pressing visits; he pushes his fortune. But her relations catch him with her, and oblige him to marry her by main force.

SIL
(aside). What a clever cheat!

SCA
Would you have him suffer them to murder him? It is still better to be married than to be dead.

ARG
I was not told that the thing had happened in that way.

SCA
(showing SILVESTRE). Ask him, if you like; he will tell you the same thing.

ARG
(to SILVESTRE). Was he married against his wish?

SIL
Yes, Sir.

SCA
Do you think I would tell you an untruth?

ARG
Then he should have gone at once to a lawyer to protest against the violence.

SCA
It is the very thing he would not do.

ARG
It would have made it easier for me to break off the marriage.

SCA
Break off the marriage?

ARG
Yes

SCA
You will not break it off.

ARG
I shall not break it off?

SCA
No.

ARG
What! Have I not on my side the rights of a father, and can I not have satisfaction for the violence done to my son?

SCA
This is a thing he will not consent to.

ARG
He will not consent to it?

SCA
No.

ARG
My son?

SCA
Your son. Would you have him acknowledge that he was frightened, and that he yielded by force to what was wanted of him? He will take care not to confess that; it would be to wrong himself, and show himself unworthy of a father like you.

ARG
I don't care for all that.

SCA
He must, for his own honour and yours, say that he married of his own free will.

ARG
And I wish for my own honour, and for his, that he should say the contrary.

SCA
I am sure he will not do that.

ARG
I shall soon make him do it.

SCA
He will not acknowledge it, I tell you.

ARG
He shall do it, or I will disinherit him.

SCA
You?

ARG
I.

SCA
Nonsense!

ARG
How nonsense?

SCA
You will not disinherit him.

ARG
I shall not disinherit him?

SCA
No.

ARG
No?

SCA
No.

ARG
Well! This is really too much! I shall not disinherit my son!

SCA
No, I tell you.

ARG
Who will hinder me?

SCA
You yourself.

ARG
I?

SCA
Yes; you will never have the heart to do it.

ARG
I shall have the heart.

SCA
You are joking.

ARG
I am not joking.

SCA
Paternal love will carry the day.

ARG
No, it will not.

SCA
Yes, yes.

ARG
I tell you that I will disinherit him.

SCA
Rubbish.

ARG
You may say rubbish; but I will.

SCA
Gracious me, I know that you are naturally a kind-hearted man.

ARG
No, I am not kind-hearted; I can be angry when I choose. Leave off talking; you put me out of all patience. (To SYLVESTRE) Go, you rascal, run and fetch my son, while I go to Mr. Géronte and tell him of my misfortune.

SCA
Sir, if I can be useful to you in any way, you have but to order me.

ARG
I thank you. (Aside) Ah! Why is he my only son? Oh! that I had with me the daughter that Heaven has taken away from me, so that I might make her my heir.