[Verse 1: Frank]
How do you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover

[Chorus: Frank]
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania

[Verse 2: Frank]
Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual, that's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie

[Interlude: Brad, Janet, spoken]
I'm glad we caught you at home
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry
Right!
We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car
We don't want to be any worry
[Verse 2: Frank]
Well you got caught with a flat? Well, how 'bout that
Well babies, don't you panic
By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright
I'll get you a Satanic mechanic

[Chorus: Frank]
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania

[Verse 3: Frank, Riff Raff, Columbia]
Why don't you stay for the night? (Night)
Or maybe a bite? (Bite)
I could show you my favourite obsession
I've been making a man, with blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my tension

[Chorus: Frank]
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania
Hit it, hey!
I'm just a sweet transvestite (Sweet transvestite)
From Transexual, Transylvania

[Outro: Frank]
So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with antici... pation
But maybe the rain isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause... but not the symptom