[Intro]
It's Christmas time
And you know what that means
All of my Christian friends
Are putting up their Christmas trees
And decorating up with tinsel
And all manner of jingle balls
They're waiting for a big red elf
Thats right, a sort of big red elf
Come down their chimneys
Impervious to the fires within
To sculk across the living room
And to leave under said trees
Wonderful, magical, glorious
Material possesions
Oh, I got to thinkin' about
This so-called "Santa Claus"
Who lures you away
From the true meaning of Christmas
And I-I've come up with a little bit of a theory
On who he might really be
I wanna share it with you
It goes something like this

[Verse 1]
Christmas is a special time
'Cause it's the birth of Christ
You could go worship him at Church
That would be nice
But instead you are home
And that is because
You're waiting for a jolly ol' elf
They call Santa Claus
Some think he's a saint
I think it's a trick
How do you get from Ol' Chris Kringle
To ol' Saint Nick?
Well this ol' fella's crafty
So you must be quick
Take away the Saint
And all you got's ol' Nick
(Wait, it's another name for the Devil)
(It sure as hell is)
[Chorus 1]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to see
He don't mind the raging fires in your chimney
Oh, you took a pass from Christmas Mass
Now you're home, just waiting
For an elf to bring you wealth
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan

[Interlude]
You don't believe me?
Are my views too extreme?
Check it out

[Verse 2]
He's got nine familiars
And they pull his sleigh
Don't you think it's strange
That a reindeer should float that way?
Rudolph with your nose so bright
Tell me and don't lie
What kind of Devilry would make a reindeer fly?
(Crack cocaine)
Oh I know why

[Chorus 1]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to see
He don't mind the raging fires in your chimney
Oh, you took a pass from Christmas Mass
Now you're home, just waiting
For an elf to bring you wealth
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan
[Interlude]
Still not convinced?
Let me break it down
With simple A-B-C's

[Chorus 2]
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A do I gotta say it again?
I'll do you one better
Just move one letter
And it's S-A-T-A-N

[Interlude]
He ain't even tryin'
That is some lazy devil bullshit right there

[Verse 3]
So, if you're a Christian
Please listen to me
March into that living room
And chop down that pagan tree
Get rid of that yule log
And that mistletoe you see
'Cause unless you are a pagan
Then it's just hypocrisy
[Chorus 2]
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A do I gotta say it again?
I'll do you one better
Just move one letter
And it's S-A-T-A-N

[Chorus 1]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to see
He don't mind the raging fires in your chimney
Oh, you took a pass from Christmas Mass
Now you're home, just waiting
For an elf to bring you wealth
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan

[Post-Chorus]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's so clear to tell
Where this red elf come from
You know the answer's hell
He took a pass from Christmas Mass
Now you're home, just waiting
For some Imps to bring you gifts
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan
Santa Claus is Satan 'cause
Santa Claus is Satan

[Outro]
Merry Christmas
(Crack cocaine)