Rachel Bloom
Sex With a Stranger
[REBECCA]
Steppin' in the club
All those eyes on me
But there’s only one path that I see
You got a tight-ass bod
Big brown eyes
Come on cutie get between my thighs
'Cause I—
I don’t even know your name
[JASON, spoken]
It’s, uh, Jason, remember?
[REBECCA, spoken]
Shh, don’t tell me, don’t tell me.
(sung)
Why
Don’t we just call each other ‘baby?'
It’ll be simpler!
Hey sexy stranger
Come back to my place
And I hope you’re not a murderer
Kiss me baby, all over the place
And please don’t be a murderer
(Please don’t be a murderer
Pl-pl-please don’t be a murderer)
I’m sorry I’ll stop talking ‘bout the murderer thing
Let me get back to playin' with yo' thing
You got a beautiful ass
Strong-ass arms
(spoken)
Is that a gun?
(sung)
Oh thank god, it’s just your penis
Have you been tested for STDs?
(STDs)
Tell me please!
(STDs)
Then waited a three-month window
And got tested again
Just makin’ sure
Most people don’t know about the window
Hey sexy stranger
Let’s go to my place
And please don’t harvest my kidney
Don’t give me
That incredulous face
I saw a movie like that on Lifetime
Oh!
Your balls smell weird
Your balls smell so much worse than I feared
You haven’t aired out those balls in hours
Please go wash your balls in the shower
The bathroom is right down the hall, okay?
Please don’t steal anything on the way
(Don’t steal!)
Hey sexy stranger
I’ll be right back, I just forgot to do the dishes
Keep yourself horny, stay in the mood
(spoken)
I promise I'll be back, okay, see you in a second, bye!